THURSDAY THOUGHTS - This Man Is My Father

Some thirty years ago, my life was really in a rough patch. My marriage was on rocky ground and despite much effort to save it, I knew the downward spiral was going to end in divorce. This was before the days of cell phones (seems Neanderthal doesn't it?) Long distance calls were expensive and every one showed up on the bill. I didn't want my husband to see lots of calls home to Utah. My dad had a WATS line at work so he could call me any time without incurring cost on his end. Oh how those calls lifted my spirits! I could let down and tell him what was really going on; not keep up the facade like I did with everyone else.

During this time I wrote a song to honor my father and this past Father's Day I sang it to him at our church. What a proud moment that was! I want to share the lyrics of this song because I think it expresses the feelings that many of us have about our fathers. they are and always will be our heroes.

THIS MAN IS MY FATHER

In the midst of my work load
My mind all a whirl
My thoughts wander back
To when I was a girl

When I got discouraged
Or when I felt sad
I found comfort and solace
In the arms of my dad

At times he was loving
At times he was stern
But I knew in my heart
He was filled with concern

A man of few words
But much feeling inside
I was proudest of all
When I stood by his side

This man is my father
This man is my friend
His love I will cherish
Until the end

Though he won't always be here
Some day he'll be gone
But his memory, our memories
Will love on and on

And still there are times
When I feel so alone
My heart fills with joy
When he calls on the phone

Yes I still get discouraged
And sometimes feel sad
But my spirits still soar
When I hear from my dad

This man is my father
This man is my friend
His love I will cherish
Until the end

Though he won't always be here
Someday he'll be gone
But his memory, our memories
Will live on and on

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Cheerleaders on the Sidelines

Guest Post:

Some thirty three years ago, I was the mother of three little boys ages four and under. My husband traveled a great deal for his job so I jumped head over heels into the world of motherhood and running a household. I decided that despite a budget that was tight as a fiddle string, I would take three hours for myself on Wednesday afternoons. My instincts told me that a reliable babysitter and three hours to myself would be as beneficial as therapy and a lot less expensive. This small break from diapers, feeding schedules and potty training would be good for me and my boys and make me a better and more effective mother in the long run. I found myself looking forward to Wednesday afternoons as they approached each week. This small reprieve gave me a sense of balance in my life.

During the last month Tristan, our newest grandson, has been spending three hours with us on Thursday nights because his parents, who live in Cottonwood Heights, have a commitment in Utah County. The thought hit me how ironic it is that I now look forward to my three hours with Tristan each week as much as I looked forward to Wednesday afternoons to myself thirty three years ago. For these three precious hours I can forget about bank deadlines, loan closings and the quotas I am required to,meet each day at my job. I found changing Tristan's diaper not to be a duty, but a joyful opportunity. Last Thursday as I saw my precious three hours passing, I woke him so I could share more of his waking moments. It helped me to remember how precious childhood is and what is truly important in our lives. These three hours spent consistently each week with Tristan will be the basis of a strong and healthy relationship with him in the future. It also helps me to be a better employee at the bank when I return to work.

As we navigate through our life's journey, it is sobering to reach the point where our children have lives, jobs, children and commitments of their own. Years ago, a little time away was a healthy break; now they are away most of the time and a few hours with them and their children is a treasured event.
A wise friend recently told me, "We are cheerleaders on the sidelines now, in the bleachers, not the locker rooms of their lives and they will tell us what they need from us." I found this to be a brilliant analogy of the transition I am experiencing as a mother and a grandmother.

I suppose that the only consistent thing in life is change and I am sure there will be many more for me as my life progresses. I will adapt to them as I have these recent changes in my life because as a wise man once said, "When we're through changing we're through!"

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Staying Spiritually Connected

I have always been a spiritual person by nature. When I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer this area of my life became stronger than ever. Most times these feelings went much deeper than words, and though I journaled specific events, I found that in most cases that words were clumsy excuses for the feelings I experienced.

During this time the Fear Monster loomed close and "whatifitis" was in the air. What if the surgery doesn't get all of the Cancer? What if we don't have enough money? What if I can't work? What if I never get to meet my boys' children? I discovered that too much time to think made life less sweet. World news seemed so full of gloom and doom that it invaded my peace of mind and got in the way of my spiritual health. I began to crave time away from everything because I found the chatter and noise of the world to be exhausting. This was a tricky balance to achieve because  I had to live in the world without letting it overwhelm me.

 I found spiritual harmony was more readily available and likely to happen if I slowed down the pace of my life. By slowing down I was able to keep my heart and mind open to spiritual promptings. It enabled me to turn my heart loose and let it rule my mind; to depend on God and learn to deal with situations as they presented themselves; to quit dreaming up trouble. Since so much of the world is in turmoil, inner peace became much more important to me than ever before. I learned it cannot be bought...it must be earned. The only peace we have is within ourselves so it is expedient for us to keep our spiritual centers strong.

 With my spiritual center steady and in place, I felt a calm assurance that I was progressing as I should. This connection gave me a quiet sense of peace and power. I was able to take the focus off of me and think of others. I found there was a great difference between the prayers I offered and the prayers I answered. I didn't have to look far to find people with all kinds of problems and challenges. A kind word, a hug, a plate of cookies or a note in the mail could lift someone's heart in a significant way.

 I remembered many years ago telling my boys when they studied for upcoming tests at school to "pray as if it all depends on God but work as if it all depends on you." This strategy also worked for me at this time of my life as I worked to stay spiritually grounded. I learned that prayer plus spiritual guidance resulted in miracles and I tried to incorporate this winning equation in my life.

 While learning to put this concept into play, I found that opportunities to help,were all around me when I was spiritually in tune, and though many of these miracles were small, they still had huge significance in the lives of those I encountered. Kind words, a smile, and genuine expressions of concern are never wasted. I began to realize over time that I will probably never be rich or famous, but if I can make my circle of influence a little sweeter to those around me by staying spiritually connected, I have not failed.

-Kathy  Christensen

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - A Remarkable Occurence...

My apologies, once again - my life has become so busy, that I've let this blog slip away, and yet, Kathy Christensen - each week, has sent me a post for our Thursday Thoughts.  Sorry Kathy, that I've been behind.  I'll try to do better.  This article should have been posted last week...

I have always loved the Memorial Day weekend. Not only does it let us know that Winter is over and warmer weather is on the horizon, but my husband, Ron, and I enjoy visiting the graves of those who have blessed our lives in years past. This year while we were paying our respects, something truly remarkable happened.

For several reasons my Grandma Belle had been on my mind. Her birthday was May 23rd (she would have been 121 years old) and my niece graduated from high school on this day. I texted my siblings to remind them of the significance of this date. Also, Grandma Belle was exactly 60 years older than me. We were terribly close because she lived in the upstairs apartment of our old family home. Many were the times we shared long talks. We never ran out of subjects to discuss and sometimes we laughed until we cried. In most cases, we seemed to see life through the same eyes. I can still remember her telling me that her funeral plans were behind the organ in her apartment, along with the yellow artificial roses that she wanted placed on her grave. I always chuckled when she told me this.

I am now 60 years old and during this past year we have been blessed with two beautiful grandchildren. Tamsin and Tristan have added such joy to our lives that sometimes I feel I will simply burst! I remember thinking to myself that Grandma Belle was probably just as excited when I was born. I was the first child born to my parents who lived with her in the old family home on Main Street in Springville.

Ron and I always deliver flowers to the graves of our loved ones on the Saturday before Memorial Day. Most years our flowers are the first to be placed on Grandma's grave. This year when we arrived, however, there was a small bouquet of yellow artificial roses there. I was astonished because I didn't know how many people were aware of their significance. I really think I am one of the few, if the only one, who knew this story. I contacted each of my siblings and my father to see if they had placed them there, but they had not.

As we returned home, I simply could not get those roses out of my mind. As I thought of them I glowed inside with warmth, happiness and love. After a short nap, Ron and I went to buy some wrapping paper we needed. Still deep in thought about the roses, I told him " Ron, no one could have left those roses but Grandma Belle because I am sure no one knew of their significance but me." As I said these words, I got goose bumps from the soles of my feet to the top of my head despite the fact that it was 80 degrees outside. I know she was confirming the fact to me that my hunch was right and that she was happy I had been in her thoughts so much this past week.

Every time I think of this remarkable occurrence, I warm up inside. It makes me happy as well as encouraged to keep trying to build meaningful relationships with my own grandchildren. I also learned (or relearned) the fact that those we have loved and lost are much closer than we think.

-Kathy

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Keeping a Journal Has Blessed My Life As Very Few Things Have

GUEST POST:

Writing has always been a passion of mine and keeping a journal has blessed my life as very few things have. When I write I am relaxed and in a quiet and peaceful place. Being in this creative state opens my mind and my heart to make significant discoveries and to be more in tune to things of a spiritual nature.

When I got cancer, I found that my mind traveled places it had not been before. I also discovered that fear and panic were closer to me than they had been simply because of my situation. Because neither of these emotions come from a positive source, it became necessary for me to keep them at bay. I also discovered that mood swings are a significant part of our lives no matter what we are experiencing and they can change on a dime. One minute I found all to be well in my life, while within an hour or so my outlook had changed. My house needed endless repairs, my job was too stressful, my hair looked funny, I hated all of the clothes in my closet and I really needed to lose weight. I discovered for me the best course was to enjoy the positive moments and to let the negative ones blow over me like a wave and not to give them too much energy. Nothing lasts forever and "this too shall pass" became a pet phrase of mine.

Another discovery I made is how hard most of us are on ourselves. Journaling helped me to get a more accurate picture of my accomplishments. Rather than punishing myself because I don't make quilts, I don't can fruit and I hate to sew, I learned to give myself credit for the contributions I do make such as writing books, poems for my grandchildren, directing music, singing in choirs, or listening to many friends when they need to vent. I came to find value in my unique way of giving back to those people I love.

The most interesting reality I began to understand, however, was the power of the written word. I found that people (our children included) many times don't listen to what we say, but they always read what we write. It is like phone calls vs. email or texting vs. actual conversation. Recently, my youngest son, Nick, came to me and asked "Mom, where is that journal you kept for me when I was little?" I replied that I wasn't sure. He then persisted, "We need to find it, I know it was in a green notebook.". Together we looked until we found it and he asked if he could take it home with him. He and his wife were expecting their first child and he later told me that she read to him out of it at night before he went to sleep. Somehow, the mental picture of her reading him words that I had written over thirty years ago gave me great comfort.

So when life gets stressful and complicated (and it does many times doesn't it?) I look for a pen and my journal then head for a quiet place. I know if I take the time to put pen to paper, I can usually figure things out.

-Kathy Christensen

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Cancer's Gift To Us

 Guest Post:

After my Cancer diagnosis I became more aware of those around me who suffered with different forms of this dreaded disease. My breast cancer, though frightening to me, was much less severe than the cases of many people I knew.

Dave, one of my lifelong friends from high school, lived right around the corner from me. He was diagnosed with an aggressive form of liver cancer in the month of May and was dead by mid September. He loved company so we visited him often. My grandchildren remember the time we took him a watermelon, at his request, after one of our fishing trips. He was a gregarious sort of guy who was loved by many people. As he grew weaker, I would quietly sit by his side and hold his hand until he went to sleep. I treasure this memory of sharing many of his last waking moments with him. While I ached for him and his family, I was filled with a deep and silent gratitude that my own cancer was  discovered early and was much more manageable.

My father had colon cancer over 33 years ago, before anyone knew what a colonoscopy was. The surgery was a success and he is fine now. As a result, we are all scanned regularly, we never miss. He has also had prostate cancer and recovered well from yet another surgery. His one wish was to be able to care for my mother until she died, which he was able to do in fine style.

My mother's cancer was much slower moving. She suffered from Multiple Myeloma, cancer of the bone marrow. Unlike Dave's fast moving cancer, hers progressed much slower and was brutally painful. Her bones slowly rotted away until her Femur broke one morning as she was getting out of bed. I watched this vibrant, capable woman slowly waste away to nothing, weighing less than one hundred pounds when she died. I remember well the evening she left my son, Matthew's wedding. As my father rolled her away in her wheelchair, My youngest son, Nick, fell into my arms and cried as if his heart would break. He knew her time was short and it hit him hard because he spent most of his teenage years living in their home along with me.

I have found that cancer is like a dark cloud, robbing us of those we love. But, like most dark clouds there is a silver lining. The last moments we spend with our loved ones become some of the best we have with them. During my mother's last two weeks we slowed down life's frantic pace, laying aside, jobs, obligations and other unnecessary pressures. We made time to be together; we took time to laugh; we enjoyed time to share; we created time to bond, and benefited greatly from time to deepen relationships. These last precious moments together were cancer's gift to us.

-Kathy Christensen

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Magic in the Rhythm of Working, Resting, and Working Again

Guest Post:

During my Cancer journey, I found that blessings came wrapped in all kinds of packages. One of the most significant blessings came wrapped in a package labeled "MY JOB."

Cancer treatments cannot be hurried. My job helped me to keep a routine, pace myself and to plan for the best use of my precious energy. It also kept my mind busy so that I didn't dwell endlessly on the fact I had the disease. In short, it helped me keep my mind in positive territory. It is interesting to note that some of the most significant successes in my career took place during my Cancer treatment. These accomplishments simply would not have been possible to achieve without peace in my heart, which provided the ability for me to put one foot in front of the other and forge ahead. My doctors told me that people who maintain their jobs during treatment generally do better as a result. This was certainly the case for me.

My dad always told me that "Variety may be the spice of life, but monotony in many cases pays the bills." Routine is the stuff life is made of and I found magic in the rhythm of working hard, resting, then working hard again. In fact, I can't see myself retiring for many years yet.

Finally, speaking with clients at the bank helped me keep a healthy perspective on my own situation. On the job I communicated with people of great wealth as well as those facing bankruptcy. I have spoken with healthy individuals and those who have far worse health challenges than my own. I have met tons of single people as well as those going through divorces (who wish they were single.) I have spoken to people who have no children while others feel they have too many. And of course I exchange pictures of grandchildren with every grandparent I meet. In short, I go home most days with gratitude in my heart to be just who I am!

-Kathy Christensen

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - A Peaceful Slumber

The hour was late; the house was quiet, my mind so full of happy memories I could not sleep. I arose to read a bit and found myself recalling the events of a day that I wanted to bronze and remember forever.

I saw twelve hungry people around our breakfast table eating my husband, Ron's, famous pancakes before they left on a tubing expedition.

I saw empty pop cans and empty serving dishes from our first BBQ of the season. We ate indoors due to the cold weather, but the burgers and dogs still tasted great. Every morsel of food was gone. Nobody goes hungry at Grandma and Grandpa's unless they want to!

I saw grandchildren putting on their coats and shoes to participate in the Easter egg hunt in our snowy yard. And I heard the squeals of delight as they found plastic eggs filled with candy and various dollar store treasures. It seemed almost like Christmas as they enjoyed books, puzzles, bubbles, beads, frisbees and slinkies. Our house was hoppin' as we gathered with seven grandchildren and their parents who had not been together in one place for a long time. The laughter, hugs, and bonding continued until about 10 PM when most of them left  because they had to work the next day.

Just when I thought things could not get any better, we received the text that our eighth grandchild had just been born. Tristan Robert Bernard became the newest member of this wonderful family clan.

As I sat there alone in the wee hours of the morning, I remembered that just over four years ago I had my Cancer surgery. If it wasn't for advanced medical technology, lots of support and Heavenly help, I could have missed this wonderful day and the memories we made.

I took a deep breath, looked around at the Easter baskets, scattered toys and the rest of the tell tale clutter. How grateful I am to have turned 60 this past January with my health in tact, a job I love, and a growing family to enjoy. I got up, turned off the light and went back to bed. There, with plenty of new memories to hold close to my heart, I dropped off into peaceful slumber.

-Kathy Christensen

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Tristan's Poem

TRISTAN'S POEM

After two failed attempts

Hematomas and such

We waited and watched

You were wanted so much.

Your mom watched her diet

Got plenty of rest

We knew with this care

That you'd be the best.

But still the uncertainty

That state we all hated

Loomed in the air

As we watched and we we waited.

Then you came early

With tubes everywhere

Helping you breathe

You even had hair!

You were a fighter

Right from day one

Your parents were thrilled

With their newborn son.

Your strong personality

Came through from the start

To grasp all our love

And capture each heart.

We waited and watched

At your pictures we gazed

As your confident spirit

Left us amazed.

Although I was ill

And I had not met you

I felt you close by

As your spirit came through.

You've taught us of courage

And how to endure

As life moves along

You will teach us much more.

Plenty of people

Are waiting to tend you

And family love

They are ready to send you.

The future looks bright

Much fun without end

As you meet little Tamsin

Your cousin and friend.

So upward and onward

Our brave little man

We're so overjoyed

That you're part of the clan.

You're growing and learning

And doing so great

And one thing is sure

You were well worth the wait!

Written for Tristan Robert Bernard

by his Grandmother, Kathleen Christensen

April 2013

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Pleasant Memories Are Welcome Companions

This past month I took a most wonderful journey. I visited California, Colorado, Connecticut and various destinations in Utah. The remarkable reality of this trip was the fact that I never left my living room couch. There I sat, all hunkered down with my favorite fuzzy blanket and perfectly adjusted light while enjoying memories that may have otherwise been forgotten. I felt like Louisa May Alcott when she said, “I had a pleasant time with my mind for it was happy.”

I remembered daffodils in California cheering my heart after a miscarriage. I also remembered the drafty old estate care takers house we endured living in for two years before we purchased our first home. I thought of cherished friends as I ran across letters I received from them years ago.

I also laughed out loud as I read about the things my boys said when they were small. Ryan (now 37) was so mindful of me when I was pregnant with Nick. “Mom,” he said with great sincerity, “Is that baby making you sick again?” He then asked me in a most serious tone, “Will that baby come out of your mouth?” I assured him it would not. Ryan was also thrilled when we set up our new bathroom. He squealed with glee shouting, “Wow, Mom, we carpeted the toilet seat!”

Mattie (now 34) came up to me one day and told me his bottom hurt and then asked me if I would put some gasoline on it. I know he meant Vasoline, but the mental picture was hysterical. Mattie was also a mud magnet. I constantly told him to stay out of the mud so we could save his shoes. He replied to me in a most innocent way, “Gee, Mom, I just forget to look at my feet!”

Nick (now 33) also made memorable comments. We were all on a trip together and I was the only driver so we pulled over and I bought the boys a milkshake and told them to let me rest for a few minutes. I  had just closed my eyes when I heard Nick’s blood curdling scream, “Mom!!! I put a Skittle up my nose!” It was up there so far that I was sure it was on the way to his brain. We finally got it out but it took quite a long time. We still tease him about Skittles to this day. Nick also told me in a most matter of fact manner after a trip to Disney World in Florida that he loved the Magic Kingdom but he didn’t think much of that Apricot Center.

How grateful I am that that I have kept journals all of these years. These and countless other experiences would have not survived if left to my memory. Richard L. Evans once said that pleasant memories are the welcome companions of our aging years. Thanks to the magic of journaling, I have found this to be so.

Kathy Christensen

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Angels Among Us

I have to take a minute here and express my gratitude to our guest blogger, Kathy Christensen.  She always has a Thursday Thoughts post ready to go each week.  I've been so behind lately, that I've been forgetting to post her articles.  It's happened quite frequently.  I know from experience how much time it takes to prepare a meaningful post, and I want to apologize to her for taking so long to post her articles.  I always love to read Kathy's posts... they are straight from the heart, they have great advice.  Here is the post that Kathy sent me last week (that I promised to post... LAST week.  Again... sorry about that, Kathy)...

A popular writer once expressed the fact that expecting a trouble free life because you are a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge you because you are a vegetarian. One fact is sure…..there are more than enough problems to go around. Nevertheless, I believe strongly that help is at hand and angels are available around the clock to help us in our times of need. I remember just over four years ago laying on  hospital bed in the ultrasound room when the radiologist said, “This doesn’t look good….we had better do a biopsy.” Of course, this unsettling news caused my mind to begin racing. At that very moment I was enveloped in a powerful cloud of comfort; a feeling a peace and love so strong that it was almost tangible. I remember thinking to myself, “If it feels this way to die….bring it on!” I still don’t know for sure the source of this incredible feeling, but I strongly suspect my Grandma Belle, who died in 1988, was there to calm me. Whatever it was, was not of this world and it calmed so thoroughly that I slept like a baby for two nights while I awaited the biopsy results. Of course, the biopsy revealed Breast Cancer, but we caught it early, it was treatable and the rest is history.

                The country singing group, Alabama, recorded a song entitled “Angels Among Us.” The chorus goes like this:

                                Oh I believe there are angels among us
                                Sent down from somewhere up above
                                They come to you and me in our darkest hours
                                To show us how to live, to teach us how to give
                                To guide us with the light of love.

                Recently, our family had another most touching experience. One of our many young cousins had just celebrated her fourth birthday. As she was talking about her party the next day with her mother she commented, “My favorite present is the invisible one from my Grandma.” As her mother asked her to expound, she replied,

“The Grandma who just died, ‘Grandma Joyce.’ She’s here all the time, Mom, you just can’t see her.” By now her mother was totally tuned in and asked, “What does she look like?” This small four year old continued by explaining,  “She looks like a ghost, but not a scary one.” I am sure my mom was present to give this little great granddaughter of hers, an extra measure of comfort in her life for reasons that may even be unknown to us.

                 It’s good to know that someone much wiser than we are is calling the shots and knows when to send us extra help. While it is true our complex society holds more than enough challenges for all of us, it is also true that help is available to guide us along if we keep our spirits tuned in.

Kathy Christensen

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Smile Through Trouble, Gather Strength From Distress, Grow Brave By Reflection

Guest Blog Post:

When I was growing up, I was terribly close to my Grandma Belle. I remember her saying quite often to me, “Oh, Kathy, I feel like I am living  in the Lord’s lap!” It has taken me many years to understand the depth of that statement. I knew she loved our home as I did, but also knew there was much more behind her words than just that. Our home was built around 1870, with thick adobe walls and square nails. I don’t think there was a level floor in the entire structure, a fact which was brought to our attention by any craftsman who did work there. The home was comfortable but Daddy always said the décor was like a jackpot casserole… no rhyme or reason to anything. However, he commented once, “Better Homes and Gardens” never did a photo shoot here… they never even asked to. But when it comes to livin’ and lovin’, some homes may equal but none will surpass.”  I think he was right.

While I was in this train of thought, I ran across a quote by Thomas Paine which reads, “I love those who can smile through trouble, who gather strength from distress and grow brave by reflection.” While our family had more fun than anyone I know (I remember countless times laughing until I cried) life there was not trouble free. We dealt with Cancer in its various forms, death, depression, drug and alcohol abuse, unplanned pregnancies and all the rest. However, there was great resilience as we tried to smile through our troubles and find strength from the distressful situations we faced over the years. To say we grew brave and more aware by reflection is an understatement because we had lots of practice. I suppose most families do.

I came to the conclusion that home is where life happens. The outer trappings don’t matter as much as the  spirit of those who live within its walls. I literally healed in that house after each of two painful divorces. Those thick adobe walls seemed to gather me in as if to say, “You are safe here.” While I have lived in a different home for the past 15 years with my husband, Ron, we are striving to create that same resilient spirit here. We want our children and grandchildren to see it as a place of peace; a place of love and healing; a place where problems can be solved and courage can be built. I think we are making progress because just last week when I got home from work, took off my coat, grabbed my favorite blanket and plopped on the couch I thought, “I feel like I am living in the Lord’s lap!” I chuckled because I knew that Grandma Belle, wherever she is, knew just what I meant!

Kathy Christensen

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Keep Trying To Learn and Grow

Guest Post:

Just over 16 years ago I was sitting at a meeting when fear clutched my heart. It was my first week working at Zions Bank and the manager conducting the meeting was using words like HECL, HURL, DDA, Relationship pricing and on and on. I might have just as well been listening to Russian because I didn’t know what any of these terms meant. Besides this fact, I barely knew how to send an email let alone anything about the computer programs I would be required to use in this position. To say I was frightened was an understatement. I have never been one to run away from a challenge so I sat up straight, pretended I knew what I was doing and fought against the urge I had to run out of the front door! Even after I had been at the job for three weeks I remember thinking to myself, “What have I done to myself? Will I ever be able to learn all I need to be successful here?” I kept trying to learn and grow, doing a lot of listening and very little talking (which was quite unusual for me….I have always been a talker). I tried to make each day a little better than the day before and to keep a positive frame of mind as I learned how to be effective and efficient at this new job. I distinctly remember after being at the bank for six months thinking to myself, “I think I am going to make it. This is all beginning to make sense to me now.”

I also remember back in December of 2008, being at the bank working when I received a phone call informing me that my biopsy was positive. I had Breast Cancer. Sitting in stunned silence, I felt fear and trepidation as I entered another world I knew nothing about. Before I knew it I had a surgeon, an oncologist and a pathologist, besides my regular doctor. I learned first hand about surgery, radiation, new medications, more frequent mammograms and doing the things I needed to do to regain my health.

A wise man once said, “Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the mastery of it.” I have found this principle to be very true in my life. By sticking with my bank job and working through my insecurities, I have found a career that is enjoyable and most fulfilling. Quitting when I felt overwhelmed would have served no purpose. Also, by continuing through my Cancer surgery, radiation treatments and taking my prescribed medication, I have reached a point where I have just one year to go and I will be finished with the five year program of treatment the doctors set out for me. I have also made lasting friendships with other Cancer patients in our Cancer survival group Lifting Hearts. Both of these scenarios proved to me that facing our fears and mastering them can be most beneficial in our lives. Now, when I run into a situation which arouses fear in me, I don’t run away, because I realize that some kind of growth is quite possibly right around the corner. That is why when I return from work tonight, I am going to go straight to my bedroom, pick up the iPAD I just purchased and learn how to work the extra keyboard I bought so I can begin typing the final draft of my next book!

Kathy Christensen

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Time Honored Values Do Not Change

Guest Post:

Back in 1959, our family climbed in our white Rambler Station Wagon and set out on a mission. We went to select a new Sycamore tree to plant in our front yard. I still remember driving with the long tree stretched through both windows and holding it very tightly as we traveled home from the nursery. Digging the hole where the tree was to grow was quite an event for our family. Now, some 53 years later, that tree stands resolute and strong. For decades it has provided shade, tons of leaves to play in (and rake up) every fall, and a place for countless children and grandchildren to climb as they watched and laughed at the people walking beneath them.

Last Saturday, these same children gathered for dinner with our father to remember our mother who died just a year ago. I couldn’t help but notice that all of us were older and a lot grayer than we were when we planted that tree. Daddy’s hair is completely white and he kept referring to the fact that he didn’t even know one person in the restaurant that night. I then thought back to the time my mom helped me by typing the first draft of “Grandma Belle and Me” on an electric typewriter. She never complained but she was so worn out when we finished that I feel guilty now just thinking about it. What a trooper she was! My next book or two I typed myself on a computer, while the one taking shape in my mind right now will be typed on my new IPAD, once I learn how to work the new programs on it. Technology keeps moving so fast that it is hard to keep up.

I suppose that the only thing in life that is consistent is change. Styles change, technology progresses, and people get older as the years pass. I am a grandmother for goodness sakes! BUT time honored values do not change. Honesty, hard work, strong faith, diligence and tenacity should  always be relevant factors in our lives  and part of our individual value systems. This will enable us to be firmly established, resolute and strong just like that Sycamore Tree that we planted in my yard over half a century ago.

Kathy Christensen

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Roadblocks Turn Into Stepping Stones

I just finished reading a wonderful book by Richard Paul Evans entitled “ A Winter Dream.” With quite a unique approach, it is a modern day interpretation of the story of Joseph and the coat of many colors. I would suggest it as a quick and enjoyable read for anyone.

After a series of twists and turns, the book ends with a letter to the main character, Joseph Jacobson, from his father upon his graduation from college. Part of it reads: “ My son, adversity is not a detour. It is part of the path…Your challenges, if you let them, will become your greatest allies. Mountains can crush you or raise you, depending on which side of the mountain you choose to stand.”

This concept caused me to warm up inside because I see examples of it all around me. Take Cancer for instance. Although its diagnosis paralyzed me with fear, I now have a radiologist and an oncologist in addition to my regular doctor. They all watch me carefully. I know it is this way with most Cancer patients, causing us to appreciate our health at an entirely new level. In  many ways Cancer makes us more alert and grateful people as we progress along our life’s path enjoying every minute we have left with our family and loved ones.

I have a son who has battled a weight problem for his entire life. Because of this, he took up the sport of running and has now run several marathons (including Boston.) He has dropped tons of weight and is in better cardio vascular health than any one in our family. My other two sons have struggled with addiction to Alcohol at various times in their lives. Both are sober now with one reaching his 10 year sober birthday just his month. He is now very active in the AA Program where he sponsors other alcoholics as they move along their road to sobriety. Helen Keller, who was born  blind, deaf and dumb became an inspiration to the entire world as she shared her story of determination and perseverance.

A  philosopher once said that we understand our lives looking backward although we must live them moving forward. He was right. During our times of adversity, life seems more difficult. However, when we look back, it all makes sense. Somehow those road blocks turn into stepping stones which lead us to the top of the mountains in our lives. It all depends on how we handle them.

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - It's Right Where My Mom Would Want Me To Be!

Guest post:

I remember telling my father through tear filled eyes, “I can’t do it… Daddy, I just can’t sit in Mom’s chair. It still seems like a hallowed and sacred spot.”  Mom had been gone for several months, but I simply could not cross that emotional barrier yet. Daddy purchased that chair for her comfort because it was so difficult for her to move. It was an oversized recliner made of soft brown leather. They had it mounted so it could turn a complete 360 degrees. This way she could reach the bookcase to her right which also held the TV remote. And she could also reach the left where she kept her crochet hooks, yarn and her hand games. The chair was draped with Mom’s favorite blankets so she was never cold. She even slept in the chair when the pain was so bad that getting to her bed was not possible or practical. Because Daddy saw to her every need, she only had to get up to go to the bathroom (and I am sure they would have made that possible too if there was a way!)

While Mom was alive and in her hospital bed, we all sat in the chair. It seemed just fine then. In fact, we were sitting there when Mom looked at Nick and Kimberly and said, “There’s a baby over there!” None of us knew yet of their pregnancy because they had not made the announcement.  But SHE KNEW!!!! Our visits to St. George came and went and I sat in the chair briefly, but never for too long; it just didn’t seem comfortable or proper to me at the time.

You can imagine my joy when I got this wonderful picture of our new granddaughter, Tamsin Joyce (named after my mother) in Mom’s chair. She was smiling from ear to ear. Something changed inside me when I saw that picture. Mom has been gone a year and I finally feel that the emotional barrier is gone. The next time I visit Daddy, I am going to snuggle in that chair with my favorite fuzzy blanket and good book because I know now that is right where my mom would want me to be!

Kathy Christensen

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Nice Matters!

One day while visiting my daughter, Teresa’s home, my eye caught a saying on her wall that had three powerful words, “Because nice matters.”  I chuckled to myself because I could hear her in my mind saying to her children as only she could, “Be nice!” It was obviously important to her that her children learn this principle which at times seems to be sadly lacking in our society.

I then thought of a man who sought me out at the bank this week to apologize for his behavior in a situation which occurred about a month ago. I was impressed with his effort to correct his mistake and the courage it took for him to come see me when I couldn’t even remember what he had done in the first place! We visited pleasantly for a while, he left feeling better, and I felt that I had a new friend.  In fact, he just came in and gave me a hug this afternoon!

In contrast to this experience I recalled another man who stormed into the bank about three weeks ago, pushed himself in front of a customer I was helping, and yelled, “Your bank’s ATM just shorted me $450!” I took a deep breath, told him I was with someone at the moment and that I would help him when I was free. The customer at my desk was a distinguished older gentleman who was weeping openly as he informed me of the Newtown shooting. This was the first I had heard of the tragedy and I am sure that my face looked horrified. "That is just the news,” the upset man chortled as he scowled at me. “This guy can wait. You need to take care of ME NOW!”

I found myself appalled at his behavior, yet I pitied  him  because obviously nobody ever taught him that “nice matters” or that his value system was sadly askew. Refusing to help him, I sought the assistance of my manager who attended to his needs, and had his money back to him within five minutes. In all honesty I was afraid of what I might of said because it may have cost me my job (and I would have been far from nice myself!)

Sue Patton Thoele has these words to say about being nice: “Nice not only wears well, but generally, it also fares well, for kindness is never out of date nor out of style and is welcome in all circles.”  When I hear the awful news reports about the atrocities going on in the world, I sometimes wonder if many of us have forgotten what “nice” is all about. Perhaps we need a refresher course because nice DOES matter……it matters A LOT!

Kathy Christensen     

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Make Others' Lives Better While Making Our Share of Mistakes

Guest Post:

My Grandma Belle was a treasure. She was an icon in the hometown where she played the piano for countless musical events. As a skilled accompanist, she made any artist she played for sound better. One day my father, then a child, answered the door to find two insurance salesmen on the porch. Seeing their briefcases, he immediately assumed they were musical instruments so he told them, “Come on in and tune up… Mother will be right down!”

When I began to play the piano, Grandma taught me the art of accompanying. “It is much different than performing, Kathy,” she told me. “As an accompanist you must be able to pass by mistakes. Your job is to make the artist look and sound their best… to keep the rhythm going no matter what.” Many times as Grandma looked at the music she was presented, she instinctively decided which parts she could leave out, enabling her to keep the tempo at a perfect speed. Even if the musician made a mistake, Grandma Belle was able to keep them progressing through the piece and the audience rarely knew.

As I thought of the principle of accompaniment, I compared it to our lives. Most of us, despite our imperfections, accompany others as we help them progress along their life’s path. I once read somewhere that ‘Those who love perfection don’t love life.” I suppose that thought resonated with me because there are so many areas in my own life that lack perfection. In fact, I believe if the world moved forward only on the efforts of perfect people, progress would come to a complete standstill. So…… if you aren’t the best cook, if sewing isn’t your cup of tea, if you need others to help you decorate, if most of your plants die, if you are in a rough patch with someone you love, and if you lose the same five pounds countless times, it is OK. You are still a worthwhile person. And just as Grandma Belle made artists sound better despite her mistakes while accompanying their musical numbers, we can make others’ lives better using our own special gifts to the fullest, even while making our share of mistakes along the way.

Kathy Christensen

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - A Visit With Mary

Here is a guest post by Kathy Christensen...

Each year as I think of the story of the first Christmas, I am retouched by its magic. This year, my mind filled with questions that I would have loved to ask Mary if I had the chance to visit with her.

When I think of Mary I wonder:

What thoughts went through your mind as a young teenager after the angel appeared to you and informed you of the events which would soon transpire? Were you frightened and perhaps overwhelmed to learn that you were chosen to be the mother of the son of God?

Were you afraid to tell Joseph, your betrothed, that you were pregnant despite the fact that you had never “been together “in the biblical sense? How did he initially take the news? How did the two of you deal with this delicate situation?

Were you sick during the first months of your pregnancy? I would have welcomed death during my months of “morning sickness.” Perhaps it was easier for you since you were carrying such a divine child. Did your friends and family understand the significance of the position in which you found yourself? Where did you turn for support?

Did you cry with exhaustion after traveling so many miles by donkey only to find that there was nowhere for you to rest? My body cries for rest after several hours in the car. I can only imagine how tired you were being so far along in a pregnancy and traveling by such difficult means.

Did you wish that someone more experienced had been there to talk to you and assist you through your first experience with childbirth? Most women I know find childbirth challenging even after a short drive to the hospital and having a complete medical team prepared to assist them.

Did you hear the angels that sang for the shepherds or see the star that guided the wise men to find you? Or was this pivotal event in history shared by anyone other than you and Joseph and a few animals that had no idea about the magnitude of the event taking place before them?

Did you and Joseph have any idea that we would still be celebrating this holy birth over 2000 years later, and that every December the world would be transformed in to a more kind, gentle and loving place to honor the three of you?

How I wish I could talk to you about the strength of character and the integrity it must have taken for you and Joseph to press forward despite the insecurities and lack of experience you faced. You were practically children yourselves. I remember reading somewhere that our integrity sings to us from deep inside our souls and that it is a note only we can hear. Eventually, when life makes us ready to listen, it will help us find our way home. Our challenges now are much different than those that you and Joseph faced back then, but the principle of integrity is still the same. Heaven help us all to demonstrate the same level of integrity and strength of character that you and Joseph displayed so many years ago, as we continue on our individual journeys through life.

Kathy Christensen

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Persistence and Determination

Recently I was reading a talk by a revered leader of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints named Melvin J Ballard. His topic was the importance of focused and concentrated Commitment. Immediately my mind filled with examples I see of this all around me. First, I have a neighbor who just buried her second special needs child. It will take concentration and persistence for her to progress through the holidays despite her recent heart brake, just as it took those same qualities for her to care for this child until she died three weeks ago. I also have a friend up the street whose husband is in the final stages of M.S. It takes persistence and concentration to care for his many and varied needs, so for now, other concerns and opportunities will have to wait. Another neighbor of mine is facing foreclosure on her home. By focusing and persistently concentrating on the situation at hand, they are moving ahead in the way they need to for the best results. Across the street is a family where the husband is in stage four liver failure and his wife has Lukemia. It is a full time job just to keep up with doctor appointments, treatments and medications. Many other interests have been shelved for now. And these are just the people on my block!

 I work at a bank and for many families, the economy has literally turned their lives upside down financially. With job losses and interest income virtually disappearing, new skills are being developed to navigate their way forward. My clients with Cancer are doing just as I did when I had the disease. Other concerns take a back seat while they concentrate on the things that will make them heal. New parents or parents in general, achieve success by persevering and concentrating on situations as they arise because each child is unique with individual concerns. My father is progressing forward with his life after my mother’s death nearly a year ago. He is concentrating on moving ahead as he makes a concerted effort to leave his grief behind him. What a difficult process this is! I also have a very dear friend from high school who just buried his wife the day before Thanksgiving. She died of ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease.). She was only 54 years old. During her illness (she was diagnosed in July of 2011) their six children, their spouses and the grandchildren put most other endeavors aside as they focused and concentrated on her care, making her last days the very best they could be.

Calvin Coolidge penned a wonderful quote in which he said: “Nothing in the world can take the place of persistency and concentration on one thing at a time. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The watch  word  ”hang on” has solved and always will solve most problems of the human race.” I am grateful for the great examples of brave and focused persistence all around me, so when the tough times hit (as we know they will someday) I will think of them, learn from their examples, and I will not fail.

Kathy Christensen