This got me thinking about my children. I have 4 boys, and they were ages 21, 18, 14, and 11 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I tried to pay attention to how they were reacting during my surgeries and treatments, but with older kids, it was kind of hard. They practically took care of themselves. My oldest didn't even live in the country at the time - he was in Japan. I think it was a difficult thing for him to deal with, because there was that uncertainty of not knowing what was going on. (He was on a religious mission for our church for two years, and he wasn't allowed to call and talk to us. It was tough). My second was away at college, but was very much aware of what was going on. He visited, but didn't have to deal with the day to day stuff. I've never actually asked my other two how it affected them. They are 18 and 15 now, and so I think they would be able to talk about it. It seemed to me that they breezed right through it, but you never know with kids. I would be very interested to hear what they have to say about it.
This is the first time seeing my oldest, Grant, after my diagnosis. I had just finished my last chemo treatment, and he was returning from Japan. We hadn't seen each other for 2 years!
I think it would be much more difficult with younger children. They depend so much on their mothers for even simple things - like food, clothing, and love. It's easy to love - especially while you are going through a life-threatening event - because you just want all of your family around you - at least, I did. I just wanted to gather everyone home, and keep an eye on them. But, the everyday stuff, like laundry, fixing meals, running kids around, and even just trying to stay active in the day-to-day running of the family - that's more difficult. I'm just happy that I didn't have to worry about my children. They were old enough to take care of themselves, although I have a feeling that it was hard for them.
I do remember being in bed, feeling awful - especially after chemo treatments - and hearing the front door open and close, and then hearing a little knock on my bedroom door. One of them would poke their head in and check to see if I was ok. I would assure them that all was well... I was just a little tired. I'd ask about school, and they'd ask about dinner. And then, they'd run off to finish up their day.
But, how did they really cope? I'm not sure. They are fine now. It's something I'll have to ask them. It will be interesting to hear their answers. I'll share those answers with you in another post.
Take a minute, in your cancer journal, to recall how things went with your own children - their ages, their interaction. Is there a particular event that stands out in your mind? (Mine is when my head was shaved - I didn't handle it well - I cried... a lot - and my sons were there watching. I remember Michael taking pictures, Alex standing way down the hall, glancing at me from time to time, and Matthew hiding behind a column upstairs. If it was traumatic for me, what was it like for them?)
As a child, how would it feel to watch your mother getting her head shaved?
Three of my boys - right after my head was shaved. The hug was good for all of us.
Write about the good and the bad things associated with your children and cancer.
My children - after my cancer journey. This picture is from a photo shoot that they set up as a gift to me from them.
And this is my favorite picture from that photo shoot - happy kids. Nothing gives me more joy, especially after having traveled through a difficult time with them. I'm here... they are here... it's all fine now.
Please join us for the support meeting this Thursday, at 7:00 pm. If you have any questions, please call me at 801-360-4666.
-Kara
