MONDAY MOTIVATION - Tell Your Story

In the past few months, I've been getting ready for a conference that is being held in March in Salt Lake City. It's called Story@Home, and I'm on the planning board. In fact, I'm in charge of SWAG - those cool bags that you get when you go to conferences like this (full of lots of fun stuff). The conference is for anyone who is interested in STORY... family historians, bloggers, story-tellers. If you would love to learn to tell your story, you should come!

Because of this conference, I've been pretty immersed in the whole "STORY" theme lately, and so I thought I'd just throw out a reminder about how important it is to record your cancer story. I know for myself, it was very therapeutic. I kept a blog for a few years, and it became a place where I could just dump everything that was happening to me, sift through it all, and make sense of some very crazy things. I was able to vent to my blog, and it felt good! I had a few followers - people who read my blog. And I'd like to think - at least, I hope - that I helped someone besides myself.

There are so many ways to tell your story... blogs, journals, scrapbooking, published books, voice recording, etc. Just pick one, and DO IT! I promise... it will make you feel better, and help to get those cancer monsters to take a vacation.

If you can't figure out where to start, or if you think you can't remember everything, just ask for my help. I've got a wonderful little tool called a Story Starter that has tons of questions especially designed to bring those memories to the surface.

Oh, and if you are interested in attending the Story@Home conference, here's the information... I hope to see you there!

Story@Home Conference
March 9-10, 2012
Salt Lake City, UT
Hosted by Cherish Bound (online publishing company, with a full line of story-telling helps), Family Search (LDS Geneology website), and the Ashton Family Foundation.

Day one: Main Stage - we will welcome several national story-tellers, some pretty amazing (and famous) bloggers, and some genealogy experts to speak. Also, that day, you'll get to go through a full story class taught by experts from Cherish Bound. Main Stage will be held in the LDS Conference Center Theater.

Day two: A full day of classes - pick whatever you'd like to hear. Again, we'll have guest presenters who will blow your socks off! You'll love it, I promise. The classes will be held in the Joseph Smith Memorial Building (formally, the Hotel Utah).

Here's the website for registration: https://www.cherishbound.com/blog/storyathome/

SUPER IMPORTANT: If you register by February 14th, you'll be entered to win an extra ticket for a friend! AND... if you register before the 25th of February, you'll get an extra special SWAG bag. :) The conference is $79 for both days. WHAT A DEAL!!!

If you are going... let me know - I'd love to talk to you there.

Just learning HOW to tell a story will help you with your cancer story. Your cancer journey is an important time in your life. I'm sure, like me, you learned lots of lessons, and recognized many blessings. Your children, and your children's children will want to hear about your journey. Don't let them down!

MONDAY MEMOIRS - The Words of Shakespeare

Last night I was looking for some Shakespeare movies to watch with my son (who is reading Hamlet for a school assignment). There are so many good performances out there, and I wanted him to see some of them. As I watched a few, I fell in love (again) with the language of Shakespeare. The man was simply brilliant! I thought it might be interesting to throw out a few quotes from Shakespeare, and see if you can use them to apply to your cancer journeys. Pick one or two, and write about them in your cancer journal. Ok, here we go...

"Parting is such sweet sorrow"

"Now is the winter of our discontent" (I was having chemo during the winter months, so this quote is very appropriate for me)

"What a piece of work is man"

"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind"

"Out, damn spot!"

"Oh, happy dagger"

"Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie"

"When shall we three meet again"

"The most unkind cut of all"

"We have seen better days"

"Boldness be my friend"

"Farewell, fair cruelty"

"So foul and fair a day I have not seen"

"Sweet are the uses of adversity which, like the toad, ugly and venomous, wears yet a precious jewel in his head."

Here is the quote I chose: "So foul and fair a day I have not seen". I'm thinking about the day of my bi-lateral mastectomy. What a great description - the day was foul, of course, because of what I was losing, but fair because my life was being saved.

I also really love "Out, damn spot!" ;-)

Tell me which quote you picked to write about - why was it a good quote for your cancer journey?

-Kara

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Humpty Dumpty

Every once in a while, I visit a website called "Writing Through Cancer". This website is the brainchild of Sharon Bray, a writer, teacher, and author. It was inspired by her own journey through cancer. Each week she shares a writing prompt that anyone can use to help guide them in writing about their cancer experience. She has several months of prompts available on the website. I was searching through Sharon's prompts, and found one from the week of August 28th. This prompt started with the familiar words of this nursery rhyme:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again!



As I read through these lines, and then through Sharon's own essay, I realized what a fitting rhyme this is for those of us who have had their lives interrupted by illness, tragedy, or anything else. There are so many stumbling blocks on this road we call life, and each one of those stumbling blocks changes our course. Our lives fall apart, and it's often hard to put those lives back together again.

I know in my own cancer experience my diagnosis, and subsequent journey through treatment caused many changes - not just physical changes (weight gain, nausea, lost of hair and nails, amputations, scars, loss of energy, etc.), but lifestyle changes as well (job loss, slowing down, needing help, etc.). I'm two and a half years out from my last chemo treatment, but still struggle with many things. It has been tough to "put Humpty together again".

Today, in your cancer journal, respond to this writing prompt. Talk about the "great fall" that has happened in your life (diagnosis), the "king's men and horses" (doctors and care-givers), and the puzzle of putting "Humpty together again".

"I can't go back to yesterday - because I was a different person then." -Lewis Carroll

-Kara

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Support Groups

I've been thinking all day of what I want to write for Monday. We haven't done a Monday Memoirs lately, so I'll give you something to think about, and write in your cancer journal...

This last Thursday, our support group had it's summer picnic. We had a great turn-out: 120 is the final count. We were so pleased that our members and their families would come and hang out and visit with us. It was a fun-filled night. I'm not going to recap everything that happened - I'll leave that to Colette for next Monday.

But, I do want to talk about support groups.
Here are some questions you might want to include in your cancer journal...

Is having a support group during your cancer journey important to you? What is the most important thing a support group can do for you? If you do belong to a support group, will you continue to attend after you are finished with treatments?

(our support group last year - we now have over 75 members!)

I've pondered these questions quite a bit lately. Mostly because our support group is going through some growing pains right now, and I guess I want confirmation that what we are doing is important. I want to know that the time spent on providing a good support group for the women in our area is justified. I believe that being able to "give back" and serve other women who have breast cancer is part of the healing process - at least, it is for me.

I didn't go to a support group during my treatments, but I wish I could have. There wasn't really one available. There is now. I hope the support group we have is making an impact on our members.

Take a few minutes to answer the questions above in your journal. And then, if you have any suggestions for our support group, post a comment here. We always welcome that.

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." -Albert Schweitzer

Have a great day!

MONDAY MOTIVATION - In Your Own Words

This week, at our support meeting, we will be learning to journal our cancer stories - through writing and art. It's a good idea to start thinking about what you'll want to include in your cancer story. Here's a list of some of the things I've written about...

Finding Out I Have Cancer
A Bi-Lateral Mastectomy Surgery
Chemotherapy
Side Effects
Tests
Losing Hair
Scars
The Color Pink
Expanders
Reconstructive Surgery
My Port

If you will be attending our support group, please take a few minutes to think about what you would like to write about. Here is a page from my cancer story...



Nadine Gordimer said: “Writing is making sense of life." I really do believe that. Writing to me is therapeutic. I've found that if I can just write about what happened to me - the good and the bad - that it will leave the place it occupies in my head, and not bother me as much anymore. I waited for 1 year before I could even write about having my bi-lateral mastectomy. It was too difficult to write about at first, and then I started to forget. But, once I started writing, it all came back.

I've also found that if I can't write about something, I can probably express myself in other ways - art journaling, for instance. What colors and images come to mind when you think about your cancer journey? This week, I'm going to try to take a blank sheet of paper and create my feelings about my cancer journey. Here are a few beautiful pages that illustrate what art journaling is:




Please join us this Thursday for a wonderful, create, purging night.
-Kara

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Chemo Courage

Lately, I've been hearing about several people who are just starting chemo, and it has reminded me of my chemo days. I remember my first chemo treatment - I was so scared. I had just had a bi-lateral mastectomy two weeks earlier, so I still didn't feel well. I didn't have numbing creme that first day, so it HURT when the nurse poked into my port. Here's a few pictures...

In this one, I'm looking pretty worried because the nurse is trying to find my port!

And here is where she found it!


The rest of my chemo "sticks" weren't so bad - I came to LOVE that numbing cream.. I am very glad that I had a port put into my chest - it made things much easier.

I won't tell you the whole story of my first chemo here, but I will say that I was frightened beyond belief. I watched the first drip and started crying - I wasn't sure what to expect. Would it hurt? What would the chemo do to me? But, it didn't hurt, and I made it through 6 treatments. Little by little I lost things... my hair, my strength... but, I'm happy to say I finished, and I'm better now.

Today, take your journal out and write down everything you can remember about that first day of chemo or radiation. Write the details, your feelings - everything. And then write down one or two things that you learned from this part of your cancer journey... "I am stronger than I thought I was", "I survived losing my hair, and nails", "I learned about charity, love, and service". These are all things that I can say about that part of my cancer journey. It's good to recognize these kinds of things - it's especially good to recognize the strength in yourself.

“Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared.” - Edward Vernon Rickenbacker

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Starting a Cancer Journal or Book...

This morning I was thinking back on my cancer journey. Recently, a friend of mine reminded me that at one time, I had planned to record my cancer journey in a book. So, that's been on my mind. I started to try to recall the order of things - what things happened on my cancer journey. Whenever I do this, I find myself right back there - enduring all of those tests, hearing the results, trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do. It's an uncomfortable thing to go through.

And I think, maybe that's why I haven't written my book yet. Most of the time, when I think about writing it, I just don't want to go back there. But, I do know that writing is therapeutic. It really does help. I know this because I wrote all during my cancer journey. I have a blog, and that's how I coped. So, I think I'll go back to my blog, and start to read. Most of what I need for my book is already written there. I know it's going to be like revisiting an old wound, or someplace I never want to see again. But, I also know that I wanted this whole journey recorded so it could possibly help someone else. So, back I go.

I'll share something I wrote the first day of my blog, as an introduction:

"I started blogging about my cancer journey right after I had my head shaved. That wasn't the start of my cancer journey - it was 4 months into the journey. I'm hoping to be able to go back and write about what happened before that. This is my cancer journal - I hope it helps someone. If you have questions or concerns, and you think I can help, please contact me.

Cancer is an ugly monster. The things we have to do to save ourselves from cancer are ugly as well. Don't expect my thoughts and feelings about what I've gone through to be calm and nice.

Cancer sucks. Welcome to my thoughts."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you written about your cancer journey? You should. It helps. Think back to the beginning - if you were going to start a blog that everyone could read, what would you write to introduce it? Take your cancer journal out, and start it with this.

Good luck.

-Kara

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Cherry Red with Sparkles

Lately, I've been extremely stressed. There are several reasons that I won't go into here, but the bottom line is I'm STRESSED. I was like this before my cancer diagnosis and I promised myself I wouldn't get to this point again. So, last Saturday - while visiting St. George (the warmer part of Utah) and waiting for my husband to participate in a bike trip (60 miles), I went to a spa. (Isn't that a nice word? Spaaaaaaa.) I walked in and asked for a pedicure. I picked out a color for my toes that would make me happy - cherry red with sparkles. I sat in a really comfy chair that gave me a massage. And while the girl worked on my feet (soak, buff, trim, mask, massage, wax, and polish), I read my all time favorite blogs on my Nook. It was pure heaven! And for 45 minutes, I wasn't stressed at all. I loved every second of it. And look at my toes! Well, I would show you, but I can't find my camera card, so use your imagination - imagine a 1966 cherry red Ford Mustang convertible, with sparkles. That's what my toes look like. Doesn't the thought of that color just make you happy?!

All of Rick's friends had to see my toes after the bike ride - I got claps and whistles. Yes!

What do you do when you feel stressed about life? Is there something that helps to relieve that stress? Get your cancer journal out - and make a list of things that you can do when nothing else works to get rid of stress. Try something outrageous. Or expensive. You, my friend, are worth it!

-Kara

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Social Networks...

I read today, in a post by Brenda Coffee (BreastCancerSisterhood.com), the following:

"I read a Vanderbilt University Medical Center study that said breast cancer survivors with a strong social network and a feeling of social well-being live longer."

What an interesting thing. It reassures me that our group - Sister Survivors - is going to make a difference. Being able to get together with a group of fellow survivors is important. Learning together, exercising together, crying together, etc., will help us all. And I whole-heartedly agree, that having a strong social network is helpful when you are going through a trial.

What do you think? Can you take a minute to open your cancer journal, and write about what Brenda said? Were you alone throughout your journey, or surrounded by others? Do you think being part of a group - a group like Sister Survivors, or even a group of personal friends - is going to help you?

By-the-way, I love to read Brenda's posts every week. She is a great writer. She recently lost her husband - something that was very unexpected - and my heart goes out to her. I think about her each week I read her post. Check out her website - she has so many helpful things there. I know you'll love her too.

-Kara

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Adjusting Our Sails...

“I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” -- Jimmy Dean

This quote paints such an interesting picture to me - think of being on a sailboat, and the wind comes up - pushing you this way, and that way. If you do nothing, you can be blown completely off course, and perhaps even crash on the rocks. But, if you take charge, adjust the sails to compensate, then you'll reach your destination safely.

I read this quote today, and tried to think of it as it might apply to my cancer journey - that even though I can't change the fact that I was diagnosed with cancer, I can certainly adjust things like my thinking, my attitude, my circumstances, my eating habits, my exercise, etc., to allow myself to arrive at the end of my journey better, and safer, than at the start.

What do you think about this quote? If you'd like to, take out your cancer journal and write what comes to mind when you read this quote.

-Kara

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Your Previous Self...

I'm not sure about you, but my recovery from cancer hasn't been going well. Admittedly, before I was diagnosed with cancer, I wasn't super healthy. I was overweight, and rarely found time to do much exercise. I did try to walk, but that's about it. I just simply wasn't taking care of myself like I should have. So, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I thought "Jeez - this is just GREAT! I'm already not healthy - what is this going to do to me??!!"

Unlike some of you, I didn't try to exercise during my treatments. I was just too tired and sick. When I found out about chemo, I thought "Well, at least I'll lose a bunch of weight - there's one good thing that will come from chemo". That didn't happen. Of course, I did lose TONS of muscle (since chemo loves to destroy your muscle), but my weight didn't go down at all. In fact, it stayed pretty much exactly the same! The first week after a chemo treatment, I'd lose about 12-15 pounds - I just couldn't eat. But, for the next two weeks, the weight would slowly come back. By the time I had my next chemo treatment, I'd be back at my "normal" weight. I didn't really understand why this was happening, until right before my last treatment, when I found out that one of the medicines I was taking each time was a steroid. Yep, it was the steroid that put the weight back on. I was mad. In fact, the last time I was supposed to take it - during my final chemo treatment - I just didn't. Looking back, that probably wasn't the best decision I ever made. The steroid was helping with the side affects that came from chemo. I'm not sure if NOT taking the steroid that last time cause the 2 months of nose bleeds I had, or caused my nails to finally fall off. But, it probably would have helped if I would have followed my doctor's orders, and taken it.

It's been two year since my chemo treatments - in fact, on February 11th, it will be my 2 year anniversary of my LAST chemo treatment. For some reason, I thought I'd feel better after two years. I don't feel much better at all. I guess it makes sense that my muscles and joints would be sore, since chemo wasn't too nice to them. And it makes sense that I would have a hard time losing the fat I gained during chemo. But, I'm really frustrated that I'm still feeling so sore that it's hard to even walk (a recent surgery to remove heel spurs didn't help - just made walking more painful). And there's not much incentive to exercise when it will just make me even more miserable. *sigh*

There are a few things I've been doing to really help myself, though. I've been trying to drink a protein shake every day, to help with hair regrowth. I've been taking vitamins every day as well - which I think is helping my nails become stronger, and hopefully giving me a little bit of energy. I've also been losing weight - slowly but surely. I've lost 18 pounds. Not too bad, right?

Earlier this week, I was talking to my husband, and told him that I'm tired of feeling crappy all the time. Why is my body feeling this way?! It wasn't like this before cancer. I seriously feel like I'm 20 years older than I really am. I don't like the idea that I'll be like this forever. So, I've decided that this is MY YEAR! I'm going to get feeling better - I will get back to my "normal" self! I'm going to start exercising, even if it gets worse before it gets better. Hopefully, with exercise, my muscles and joints won't be so bad. (And maybe the exercises will help with the Lymphodema I've got). I've got an exercise video called Second Chance: Fitness after Breast Cancer, by Dorelle Laffal (a 3 time breast cancer survivor, and a world class weight lifter). I watched it this morning, and the exercises aren't too strenuous - they are just perfect for getting my body feeling better. I'll continue to watch what I eat - trying to eat more veggies and fruits. I'll continue to lose weight - a little bit at a time. And I'm going to try to make each day better than the one before. This is my year to return to the previous Kara - but, even better. I'm turning 45 this year - I should feel like I'm in the prime of my life! Hopefully, by the end of 2011, I will. :-)

How about you? What changes have you seen in your body, and the way you feel, since being diagnosed with cancer? What things have you done to stay healthy, or get back to your previous self? Take out your cancer journal and record some thoughts. Make a few goals that will help you improve your health, and the way you feel.

-Kara

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Putting Away the Clutter...

I've been without internet for a few days, so I've taken the time away from my computer to clean up all of my Christmas "mess". As I was putting things away, and dusting/vacuuming/etc., I realized how much I love this time of the new year - when all of the clutter is put away, and I breath a sigh of relief because my house looks clean. I love it when I get to bring out my everyday decorations - my beautiful Japanese doll, my favorite red vase, my family picture above the fireplace, my grandmother's clock. Away go the Santa things, and out come my favorite photos - those of my grandparents' weddings, my children when they were young, a picture of Christ. I feel like I'm finally getting back to normal after the whirl of holidays in the last few months.

As I boxed things up today, I started thinking about the phrase "getting back to normal". I remember how different everything was after I was diagnosed with cancer. Instead of helping my kids with homework, or enjoying my job, my days were filled with doctor visits, and treatments. Everything familiar was set aside. It seemed to go on and on - I thought I would never feel better and do familiar things again. But then, after (quite) awhile, I started feeling better, my hair grew back, my surgeries were over, and I slowly started to put away the unfamiliar things that cluttered my days, and pull out those wonderful things I love so much - spending time with my children, cooking a good dinner, a clean house, sitting and reading a favorite novel.

Take a few minutes in your cancer journal and talk about "getting back to normal". And if you are still in the middle of your journey, think about what you want to do to get back to your familiar life. What will that entail?

I realized something as I was writing this post - I'm grateful for the unfamiliar - those things that "clutter" my life at times. Because when those things cease, and I am again surrounded by the familiar things I love, I appreciate them even more.

“The touch of an infinite mystery passes over the trivial and the familiar, making it break out into ineffable music... The trees, the stars, and the blue hills ache with a meaning which can never be uttered in words.” --Rabindranath Tagore

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Friendship on the road...

We had such a great time last Thursday night with all you wonderful survivors. I've been thinking since then about friendship, and what it means to have friends that have walked the exact road you have. It's one of the most important things I've found - that having someone to talk to and to help you, someone who knows exactly what you needs, is such an important part of the cancer journey.

"For a shield from the storm, for a friend, for a love to keep me safe and warm...I turn to you. For the strength to be strong, for the will to carry on...for everything you do, for everything thats true, I turn to you."
-Christina Aguilera

"You were the one who made things different, you were the one who took me in. You were the one thing I could count on, above all, you were my friend."
- Tom Petty

"Once there was a darkness, a deep and endless night, you gave me everything you had and oh, you gave me light"
-Sarah Mclaughlan

What do you think about friendship? Is it important? Why? Grab your cancer journal and write a few words.

Have a great day!

-Kara

MONDAY MEMOIRS - The Christmas Season...

I was going through chemo during the Christmas season of 2008. In fact, it worked out that I had 2 chemo treatments that December. I'm normally a "Christmas" person - I decorate a ton, love to shop, and generally get very into the holiday spirit. I love to attend things like Festival of Trees, and love to drive around looking at Christmas lights. I remember that year - I just didn't have the strength to do any decorating, or attend anything. My sister came and decorated for me, and I had help taking things down after the holidays. I didn't do any baking that year, and I really just had to rely on others to help make the holidays special for my family. My parents took me out shopping, and even did some of the shopping for me.

A few things that helped - I did most of my shopping online. It was better for me, because I didn't want to go out around crowds. I accepted help from others, and learned about that wonderful thing called charity. Everyone understood that I couldn't do things I normally did.

As I run around this year, trying to get ready for Christmas, my thoughts go back to 2008. It was a hard time for me. This weekend, as I tried to decorate my 12 foot Christmas tree by myself, I remembered that I couldn't even put this tree up in 2008. I just didn't have the strength. I still didn't have the strength to do it last year. This year, my kids helped me, and there it is - my beautiful tree! I still need help to keep up with everything, but I'm slowly and surely getting back to my old "Christmas" self.

Today, take a minute to sit down and write in your cancer journal...

How did you get through the holidays when you were sick? What kinds of things help to make that time easier? Who helped? What did you miss being able to do?

And finally...

Count all of your blessings - being alive to enjoy the Christmas season is one of my biggest blessings!

Merry Christmas!

-Kara

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Cold & Flu Season

I've had two severe colds in the last month, and winter just started. Each cold I get seems to last forever, and is worse than the previous one. I think one of the problems is that my immune system is not as strong as it used to be. It's been a year and a half since my last chemo treatment, and I kind of expected to not have these problems still. But, as I've talked to other cancer survivors, I've learned that it can take 2-5 years to get back to your "normal" pre-cancer self. The fact that I can get back to my old self is good - but I wish it didn't take so much time. It seems that with each new cold, I get weaker and weaker. I guess this would be a good time to make sure I've got a flu shot, that I'm eating fruits and vegetables, and that I get lots of rest.

Today, open your journal and talk about getting better. As you think about this, try to recognize the things you are doing that help you feel better. Is there something you are trying that helps? Maybe you take a nap each day, and that helps boost your energy - or maybe you are careful to stay away from others who are sick.

My advice: Be careful of crowds. If you feel a cold coming on, get plenty of rest and Vitamin C. Take care of yourself!

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Gratitude vs. Fear and Anger...

I was thinking about Gratitude, since that is the subject of our next support meeting. I was reading through a blog from a lady I know, and came across this gem...

"One of the incredible truths about gratitude is that it is impossible to feel both the positive emotion of thankfulness and a negative emotion such as anger or fear at the same time. Gratitude births only positive feelings — love, compassion, joy, and hope. As we focus on what we are thankful for, fear, anger, and bitterness simply melt away, seemingly without effort. Gratitude is not just the key. It's a magic key — all you need to do is use it, and the world is suddenly transformed into a beautiful wonderland, in which you are invited to play. That's because, like most of the great spiritual truths, gratitude is stunningly simple."

Get out your cancer journal, and write about this quote. Do you think that if you truly focus on feeling thankful for the good things (and even the trials) in your life, it's impossible to feel anger and fear? I'm interested to hear what you think.

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Fellow Survivors - Sisters...

This last week - on Thursday - Sister Survivors had their Kick Off. It was such a pleasant night. I met many new breast cancer "sisters". I wish I would have had more time to talk to them. Today, I thought it would be good to write about the other breast cancer survivors we've met throughout our cancer journeys.

For me, meeting other women who have gone through this has been an important step in my healing.

First, there were the women in my family and my friends - they helped me see that there is hope - that I can do what it takes to fight breast cancer.

Then there were the women I saw at the hospital/medical centers... those having chemo, or tests. I learned to recognize them by their bald heads, and beautiful countenances. These were my fellow survivors - and they helped me realize that I wasn't the only one fighting breast cancer.

Finally, there are those women I've met through Sister Survivors. These women have a passion similar to mine. We all want to make sure something good comes from our cancer battle - and helping other women with the fight is an important part of that.

Open your cancer journal today, and write about some of the women you've met who have helped you make sense of your cancer journey. Gratitude is the key here - keep your gratitude in mind while thinking of who to write about.

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Becoming Real...

I just read a great post on Writing Through Cancer. I was looking for ideas for writing prompts, and this is a site I sometimes go to for inspiration. The post for this week is absolutely beautiful. In fact, it has to do with just that - beauty. The author, who I believe is Sharon Bray, talks about the struggle cancer survivors sometimes have with their new bodies. It made me think about my body, and the changes it has been through...

I would be lying if I said that it has been easy - getting used to this new body I have. It hasn't. In fact, I'll never, ever forget that moment when the bandages came off - after my bi-lateral mastectomy. I was with my best friend, Lori. The doctor took the bandages off, and then stepped out of the office for a minute. I stood up - scared to death to look in the mirror and see what wasn't there. Lori and I stood side by side staring into that mirror. It took my breath away. I remember the feeling of loss - wishing I wouldn't have gone through with it. Wishing I could go back and make a different decision, even though I knew my decision was the right one for me. I would never look the same again. I took me quite a long time to come to terms with my new look. I was nervous (understatement of a lifetime!) to show my husband. I don't know why - I should have known that he'd love me, no matter what. But, it wasn't easy. I've gradually become used to the way I look, and I'm grateful for the work my doctor has done. It's made me "whole" again.

Sharon Bray talks about the Velveteen Rabbit - how he wants to become real. I love the quote from the Skin Horse. The Velveteen Rabbit wonders how long it takes to become real... "It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

When I was newly married, I was healthy, thin, and pretty - no wrinkles, no scars, no evidence of a life lived. Now - 25 years later - I'm not thin anymore, I'm starting to lose my tight skin and find the wrinkles, and I've definitely got scars - some from childbirth, some from surgeries, and some from illness. "But these things don't matter" because I'm REAL - I'm BECOMING.

Some of us have had surgeries. Some have had chemo. Some have had radiation.

Whatever the "stops" were on your cancer journey - you've changed. You've become a little more real.

Take a few minutes to write about the changes your body has gone through during your cancer journey.

-Kara

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Sick Days...

I've dragged myself to this computer for a second, because I've got to figure out what to post today, and I've got the flu! I don't really feel like posting anything, if you want to know the truth. In fact, the way I'm feeling has me thinking about all the days I was sick during chemo. And maybe that's a good thing to write about - what do you think?

Open up your journal and record how it feels to go through chemo - try to describe your worst day. Hopefully it will help to write it down - get it out of your mind - and share it with someone else. As I'm going through this flu, there are things about it that are very much like the affects of chemo. But, there is a lot that is different too. Record one of your sick days, and then be grateful that you aren't there anymore. And if you are still there - it won't last forever, I promise. You'll get through it. :-)
-Kara

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Service...

Today, I thought I'd share with you what our Sister Survivor group did at the meeting last Thursday. We've been trying to get ready for the big Kick Off that is on October 28th, and Bethanie, Colette, and I really needed some help. Dr. Bishop and his staff have done so much, but I'm finding out that planning and executing something this big takes a bunch of willing hands. So, I sent an email to the members of Sister Survivors, asking them to show up on Thursday to help.



In planning for Thursday night, I started to get worried that we would have too many people, and not enough to do. So instead of just wrapping up all of the silent auction gifts, I thought maybe they could help to change the date on the 1500 fliers that were already printed (we originally had the 7th for the Kick-Off), and then maybe we could make a few blankets for some women going through chemo. As the night drew nearer, I started to worry that we wouldn't get everything done that we had planned. (I worry about a lot of things! Haha!) Anyway, I shouldn't have worried - the ladies came through and showed up (there were 20 there that night!), and worked hard. We got everything done! And I have to say - I think it was the funnest Sister Survivors meeting we've had. I loved every minutes of it. I told Dr. Bishop that many hands make happy hearts, and I believe that. It was so thrilling to see how happy everyone was to be serving others. It was just a great night. Bethanie mentioned to me later, that she had noticed the interaction between the Sister Survivors, and loved the conversations that were taking place. Two of the Sister Survivors brought their daughters along to help, and my sister, Kris, came as well. Kris took lots of pictures - I thought I'd share them here. And, once again, thanks to Colette's brother, Scott, for allowing us the use of the board room at his law offices.



By-the-way, if you are expecting a MONDAY MEMOIRS today, get out your cancer journal and write about ways you have served since your cancer diagnosis - or ways you plan to serve once you feel better. I know I've wanted to give back in some way, just to "pay it forward" - to honor those who helped me so much during my cancer journey. One way I'm trying to serve is to be involved with this wonderful group of survivors and patients - it makes me happy to help those who have to deal with the same monster that I did.



Here are the pictures - ENJOY!























And, here is the result of our hard work: