THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Smile Through Trouble, Gather Strength From Distress, Grow Brave By Reflection

Guest Blog Post:

When I was growing up, I was terribly close to my Grandma Belle. I remember her saying quite often to me, “Oh, Kathy, I feel like I am living  in the Lord’s lap!” It has taken me many years to understand the depth of that statement. I knew she loved our home as I did, but also knew there was much more behind her words than just that. Our home was built around 1870, with thick adobe walls and square nails. I don’t think there was a level floor in the entire structure, a fact which was brought to our attention by any craftsman who did work there. The home was comfortable but Daddy always said the décor was like a jackpot casserole… no rhyme or reason to anything. However, he commented once, “Better Homes and Gardens” never did a photo shoot here… they never even asked to. But when it comes to livin’ and lovin’, some homes may equal but none will surpass.”  I think he was right.

While I was in this train of thought, I ran across a quote by Thomas Paine which reads, “I love those who can smile through trouble, who gather strength from distress and grow brave by reflection.” While our family had more fun than anyone I know (I remember countless times laughing until I cried) life there was not trouble free. We dealt with Cancer in its various forms, death, depression, drug and alcohol abuse, unplanned pregnancies and all the rest. However, there was great resilience as we tried to smile through our troubles and find strength from the distressful situations we faced over the years. To say we grew brave and more aware by reflection is an understatement because we had lots of practice. I suppose most families do.

I came to the conclusion that home is where life happens. The outer trappings don’t matter as much as the  spirit of those who live within its walls. I literally healed in that house after each of two painful divorces. Those thick adobe walls seemed to gather me in as if to say, “You are safe here.” While I have lived in a different home for the past 15 years with my husband, Ron, we are striving to create that same resilient spirit here. We want our children and grandchildren to see it as a place of peace; a place of love and healing; a place where problems can be solved and courage can be built. I think we are making progress because just last week when I got home from work, took off my coat, grabbed my favorite blanket and plopped on the couch I thought, “I feel like I am living in the Lord’s lap!” I chuckled because I knew that Grandma Belle, wherever she is, knew just what I meant!

Kathy Christensen

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Comfort Is Not Necessary For Survival

Guest Post:

Several years ago when I was in the throws of a second marriage that was going down, I told my best friend, "I am just NOT COMFORTABLE with this situation. It is simply gut-wrenching. There is no way to win because if there was, I could find it." My friend listened intently on the other end of the phone and then said some most wise words that I will never forget. "Kathy," she said, "I learned a long time ago that COMFORT IS NOT NECESSARY FOR SURVIVAL." As I pondered those words I told myself they must be true because otherwise the stress level I was experiencing would have killed me. With seven children between us (six of them teenagers) and completely opposite parenting styles we were steadily spiraling downward, and I could see no way out.

While reading this week, I found some wonderful thoughts on comfort that I want to share. They were included in the book "Kitchen Table Wisdom" by one of my favorite authors Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen:

"Those who don't love themselves as they are rarely love life either. Most people have come to prefer certain of life's experiences and deny and reject others, unaware of the value of the hidden things that may come wrapped in plain or even ugly paper. In avoiding all pain and seeking comfort at all cost, we may be left without intimacy or compassion; in rejecting change and risk we often cheat ourselves of the quest; in denying our suffering we may never know our strength or our greatness. Or even that the love we have been given may be trusted. It is natural, even instinctive to prefer comfort to pain, the familiar to the unknown. But sometimes our instincts are not wise. Life ususally offers far more than our biases and preferences will allow us to have. Beyond comfort lie grace, mystery and adventure."

While my second marriage ended in divorce, it paved the way for me to meet and marry my third husband. We hit our fourteen year mark on November 1st and our journey together has been peaceful, fulfilling and remarkably doable. Our families have blended beautifully and although we have experienced difficulties such as Cancer, unemployment and challenges with our children, we have worked together to become stronger as a couple. Many have said to me, "Isn't it a shame that you didn't marry Ron first??" My answer to them is an emphatic, "NO! If I had married Ron first, I would not have appreciated the way he treats me nor the wisdom he shares with me on a daily basis. I would not know the magic that happens when you put two 'givers' together. And I would not be able to relate as I do now to those who struggle in their marriages or to offer genuine empathy to those who need support.

The same is true of the members of "Lifting Hearts." If they had not experienced Cancer and its many faces themselves, they would not be able to lend comfort and genuine empathy to those who have the disease now. By experiencing the discomfort and pain of the disease they are able to dig down deep to help and encourage those of us who have very little idea of how to proceed once it rears its ugly head in our lives. They have shown us that although comfort and ease are enjoyable (and we need those too) they do not serve to teach us as much as becoming the victor over discomfort and uncertainty.

Kathy Christensen
Survivor
Member of Lifting Hearts