I've been thinking about SCARS today (this happens every once in a while). It started when I got out of the shower this morning, and looked in the mirror. I could totally dress up as the Bride of Frankenstein for Halloween - all I need to complete the "costume" is 2 white streaks in my hair, and a bikini, so people could actually see the scars! In fact, it looks like my torso has been cut completely in half and sewn back together in 2 different places!
I know it's kind of morbid, but I couldn't help myself... I started counting. I have 23 scars from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. 23. (And countless others that I can't see, but still know are there.)
Several of those scars resulted in amazing blessings coming into my life - four blessings, to be exact... my kids (stretch marks and episiotomy scars).
There are scars that are the result of parts of my body just not working right anymore (gall bladder, hysterectomy, heel spur); scars that are the result of parts of my body that tried to kill me (mastectomies, moles); and, of course, scars that are the result of fears that I have of cancer recurrence (tummy tuck to get rid of lethal belly fat, liposuction, oophorectomy). Then, there are the "helpful" scars - those where my port was located, and those in the locations of drains from surgeries.
Most of my scars were expected - I knew they would be there when I had things removed, or made the choice to have different surgeries. Some were unexpected, like the scar on my arm where I burned myself. Whether expected or not, let's just say that my body is NOT perfect. And sometimes, I get annoyed by that - I really hate the way my body looks. It makes me angry.
Upon further reflection, though, I realize that each of these scars tells a story. Every single one of them is there for a reason. If scars could talk...! And upon even further reflection, I know that each one of these scars is proof that I've lived - a full, complicated, sometimes hard, life. But, they also show that my life has been full of joy, too.
I call them my battle scars. They signify my battles with fear, pain, death, and life. And once I've thought it through... I realize that they really don't bother me much at all. Things happen. We live life. We love. We cry. We experience both sadness and joy. We scar.
Showing posts with label Monday Memoirs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Monday Memoirs. Show all posts
Monday, September 24, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
MONDAY MEMOIRS - The Seasons of Cancer
As I watch Spring unfold around my world, I've been reflecting on the seasons....
Fall, when everything stops growing, and the trees and bushes shed their leaves - the colors dim, and the "life" slows down.
Winter, with it's bare trees, lack of color, and cold.
And then the world wakes up slowly, and Spring is here, gradually coloring the world with green leaves and grass, and flowers in a rainbow of colors.
Summer follows, as we enjoy warmth, and rest, and life.
My cancer journey perfectly mirrored the seasons... I was diagnosed at the beginning of Fall, and as the leaves fell from the trees, my hair fell out, and I lost much of the "life" that was in me, due to the chemo treatments and surgeries. By the time Winter came, I was colorless and bare - full of drugs, and so tired. My treatments ended in February, just in time for Spring to show it's pretty face, with all it's promise of life. My hair started to grow, right along with the buds on the trees, and the flowers in my garden. My health started to bloom again. By Summer, I had started to enjoy life again - those lazy days with my kids home from school. And I breathed a sigh of relief that the hard Winter of my disease was over.
That year of my life, as the seasons changed, and my life changed, was very symbolic for me. To have my body and soul changed in a mirror of what was happening in nature, helped me to know that the winter does end, and the spring does come again... a perfect example of Hope, Renewal, and Fulfillment.
Fall, when everything stops growing, and the trees and bushes shed their leaves - the colors dim, and the "life" slows down.
Winter, with it's bare trees, lack of color, and cold.
And then the world wakes up slowly, and Spring is here, gradually coloring the world with green leaves and grass, and flowers in a rainbow of colors.
Summer follows, as we enjoy warmth, and rest, and life.
My cancer journey perfectly mirrored the seasons... I was diagnosed at the beginning of Fall, and as the leaves fell from the trees, my hair fell out, and I lost much of the "life" that was in me, due to the chemo treatments and surgeries. By the time Winter came, I was colorless and bare - full of drugs, and so tired. My treatments ended in February, just in time for Spring to show it's pretty face, with all it's promise of life. My hair started to grow, right along with the buds on the trees, and the flowers in my garden. My health started to bloom again. By Summer, I had started to enjoy life again - those lazy days with my kids home from school. And I breathed a sigh of relief that the hard Winter of my disease was over.
That year of my life, as the seasons changed, and my life changed, was very symbolic for me. To have my body and soul changed in a mirror of what was happening in nature, helped me to know that the winter does end, and the spring does come again... a perfect example of Hope, Renewal, and Fulfillment.
Each person's life will come full circle,
Even as the seasons do,
To start another, different life,
Much better than the one we knew.
~C.A. Schlea~
Even as the seasons do,
To start another, different life,
Much better than the one we knew.
~C.A. Schlea~
I hope that in whatever season you are right now, you'll enjoy it, and know that it will change, and you will change, and everything will get better. Take a minute to record the seasons of your cancer journey in your journal. Have a wonderful Spring day!
-Kara
-Kara
Monday, April 9, 2012
MONDAY MEMOIRS - Children and Cancer
This week, at our monthly support meeting, one of our members will be talking to us about helping our children through the breast cancer journey. She is a school psychologist, and will help us understand how to help our children (and grandchildren) find control and comfort during our breast cancer journeys.
This got me thinking about my children. I have 4 boys, and they were ages 21, 18, 14, and 11 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I tried to pay attention to how they were reacting during my surgeries and treatments, but with older kids, it was kind of hard. They practically took care of themselves. My oldest didn't even live in the country at the time - he was in Japan. I think it was a difficult thing for him to deal with, because there was that uncertainty of not knowing what was going on. (He was on a religious mission for our church for two years, and he wasn't allowed to call and talk to us. It was tough). My second was away at college, but was very much aware of what was going on. He visited, but didn't have to deal with the day to day stuff. I've never actually asked my other two how it affected them. They are 18 and 15 now, and so I think they would be able to talk about it. It seemed to me that they breezed right through it, but you never know with kids. I would be very interested to hear what they have to say about it.
This is the first time seeing my oldest, Grant, after my diagnosis. I had just finished my last chemo treatment, and he was returning from Japan. We hadn't seen each other for 2 years!
I think it would be much more difficult with younger children. They depend so much on their mothers for even simple things - like food, clothing, and love. It's easy to love - especially while you are going through a life-threatening event - because you just want all of your family around you - at least, I did. I just wanted to gather everyone home, and keep an eye on them. But, the everyday stuff, like laundry, fixing meals, running kids around, and even just trying to stay active in the day-to-day running of the family - that's more difficult. I'm just happy that I didn't have to worry about my children. They were old enough to take care of themselves, although I have a feeling that it was hard for them.
I do remember being in bed, feeling awful - especially after chemo treatments - and hearing the front door open and close, and then hearing a little knock on my bedroom door. One of them would poke their head in and check to see if I was ok. I would assure them that all was well... I was just a little tired. I'd ask about school, and they'd ask about dinner. And then, they'd run off to finish up their day.
But, how did they really cope? I'm not sure. They are fine now. It's something I'll have to ask them. It will be interesting to hear their answers. I'll share those answers with you in another post.
Take a minute, in your cancer journal, to recall how things went with your own children - their ages, their interaction. Is there a particular event that stands out in your mind? (Mine is when my head was shaved - I didn't handle it well - I cried... a lot - and my sons were there watching. I remember Michael taking pictures, Alex standing way down the hall, glancing at me from time to time, and Matthew hiding behind a column upstairs. If it was traumatic for me, what was it like for them?)
As a child, how would it feel to watch your mother getting her head shaved?
Three of my boys - right after my head was shaved. The hug was good for all of us.
Write about the good and the bad things associated with your children and cancer.
My children - after my cancer journey. This picture is from a photo shoot that they set up as a gift to me from them.
And this is my favorite picture from that photo shoot - happy kids. Nothing gives me more joy, especially after having traveled through a difficult time with them. I'm here... they are here... it's all fine now.
Please join us for the support meeting this Thursday, at 7:00 pm. If you have any questions, please call me at 801-360-4666.
-Kara
This got me thinking about my children. I have 4 boys, and they were ages 21, 18, 14, and 11 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I tried to pay attention to how they were reacting during my surgeries and treatments, but with older kids, it was kind of hard. They practically took care of themselves. My oldest didn't even live in the country at the time - he was in Japan. I think it was a difficult thing for him to deal with, because there was that uncertainty of not knowing what was going on. (He was on a religious mission for our church for two years, and he wasn't allowed to call and talk to us. It was tough). My second was away at college, but was very much aware of what was going on. He visited, but didn't have to deal with the day to day stuff. I've never actually asked my other two how it affected them. They are 18 and 15 now, and so I think they would be able to talk about it. It seemed to me that they breezed right through it, but you never know with kids. I would be very interested to hear what they have to say about it.
This is the first time seeing my oldest, Grant, after my diagnosis. I had just finished my last chemo treatment, and he was returning from Japan. We hadn't seen each other for 2 years!
I think it would be much more difficult with younger children. They depend so much on their mothers for even simple things - like food, clothing, and love. It's easy to love - especially while you are going through a life-threatening event - because you just want all of your family around you - at least, I did. I just wanted to gather everyone home, and keep an eye on them. But, the everyday stuff, like laundry, fixing meals, running kids around, and even just trying to stay active in the day-to-day running of the family - that's more difficult. I'm just happy that I didn't have to worry about my children. They were old enough to take care of themselves, although I have a feeling that it was hard for them.
I do remember being in bed, feeling awful - especially after chemo treatments - and hearing the front door open and close, and then hearing a little knock on my bedroom door. One of them would poke their head in and check to see if I was ok. I would assure them that all was well... I was just a little tired. I'd ask about school, and they'd ask about dinner. And then, they'd run off to finish up their day.
But, how did they really cope? I'm not sure. They are fine now. It's something I'll have to ask them. It will be interesting to hear their answers. I'll share those answers with you in another post.
Take a minute, in your cancer journal, to recall how things went with your own children - their ages, their interaction. Is there a particular event that stands out in your mind? (Mine is when my head was shaved - I didn't handle it well - I cried... a lot - and my sons were there watching. I remember Michael taking pictures, Alex standing way down the hall, glancing at me from time to time, and Matthew hiding behind a column upstairs. If it was traumatic for me, what was it like for them?)
As a child, how would it feel to watch your mother getting her head shaved?
Three of my boys - right after my head was shaved. The hug was good for all of us.
Write about the good and the bad things associated with your children and cancer.
My children - after my cancer journey. This picture is from a photo shoot that they set up as a gift to me from them.
And this is my favorite picture from that photo shoot - happy kids. Nothing gives me more joy, especially after having traveled through a difficult time with them. I'm here... they are here... it's all fine now.
Please join us for the support meeting this Thursday, at 7:00 pm. If you have any questions, please call me at 801-360-4666.
-Kara
Monday, January 23, 2012
MONDAY MEMOIRS - Close Calls
This last week, my oldest son, Grant (24), was admitted to the hospital after his appendix burst. 3 days after his appendix burst! He should not have lived passed the first 24 hours. After the initial shock of the diagnosis wore off, he was admitted to the hospital, had a drain put in, and was put on antibiotics. I spent the week in the hospital with him as he fought the infection. He slept alot, and I prayed alot. A few observations...
- During those 3 days before we knew what had happened, Grant was in a tremendous amount of pain. As word spread of his drama, everyone was amazed at how strong he was - it was unbelievable that he could stand the pain! I remember during my cancer journey - especially when I went through things like a bi-lat mastectomy - people would say - "You are so amazing. You are so strong." I was thinking about this as Grant slept, and I know he would agree with me when I say... we had no choice. I'm sure we would rather have had no pain, no surgeries, etc. We were strong because we had to be. Period. There was no other choice.
- Grant's facebook post during that week said: "Was so busy being manly last week, that when my appendix completely exploded all over my insides, I didn't even notice." Haha! It's my belief that humor always helps with healing - apparently Grant feels the same way!
- No matter how old your kids get, you are still the mom. You worry about them just the same when they are 3, 11, 24, or 42. I didn't do much while Grant was in the hospital - I just sat there, talked when he wanted to talk, and read while he slept. I listened to the doctors and nurses when he was too drugged up or worried to listen. I remember that my mom was just as worried about me when I was diagnose with cancer - and I was 42! She was my chemo partner, and she was there to talk when I wanted to talk, read while I slept, and listen to the doctors and nurses when I was just too sick and confused to care. You never stop being a mom.
I feel like I'm just rambling on, so please forgive me. Since this close call with my son, I've had so many thoughts and feelings running through my head that I can't quite make sense of them.
I'm just grateful, as is Grant, for the trials we have to go through, for humor, for the people who we can count on, and for the blessings we receive from a loving Heavenly Father.
- During those 3 days before we knew what had happened, Grant was in a tremendous amount of pain. As word spread of his drama, everyone was amazed at how strong he was - it was unbelievable that he could stand the pain! I remember during my cancer journey - especially when I went through things like a bi-lat mastectomy - people would say - "You are so amazing. You are so strong." I was thinking about this as Grant slept, and I know he would agree with me when I say... we had no choice. I'm sure we would rather have had no pain, no surgeries, etc. We were strong because we had to be. Period. There was no other choice.
- Grant's facebook post during that week said: "Was so busy being manly last week, that when my appendix completely exploded all over my insides, I didn't even notice." Haha! It's my belief that humor always helps with healing - apparently Grant feels the same way!
- No matter how old your kids get, you are still the mom. You worry about them just the same when they are 3, 11, 24, or 42. I didn't do much while Grant was in the hospital - I just sat there, talked when he wanted to talk, and read while he slept. I listened to the doctors and nurses when he was too drugged up or worried to listen. I remember that my mom was just as worried about me when I was diagnose with cancer - and I was 42! She was my chemo partner, and she was there to talk when I wanted to talk, read while I slept, and listen to the doctors and nurses when I was just too sick and confused to care. You never stop being a mom.
I feel like I'm just rambling on, so please forgive me. Since this close call with my son, I've had so many thoughts and feelings running through my head that I can't quite make sense of them.
I'm just grateful, as is Grant, for the trials we have to go through, for humor, for the people who we can count on, and for the blessings we receive from a loving Heavenly Father.
Monday, December 19, 2011
MONDAY MEMOIRS - God Bless Us, Every One
Tonight, I watched A Christmas Carol, based on the story by Charles Dickens. I love this simple story about having the Christmas spirit - loving others, giving of ourselves, helping those in need, and being happy. I love what little Tim Cratchet says in one scene: "God bless us, every one."
It's those words I want to talk about here tonight. I hope you'll be patient if I spend a few minutes here talking about God. I want to acknowledge that God has blessed my life - even, and especially through my cancer journey. I believe, like little Tim Cratchet does, that God blesses all of us.
One of my favorite scriptures is found in the Book of Mormon - in Alma, chapter 30. The prophet Alma is having a conversation with a man who doesn't believe in God. He wants Alma to give him a sign that there is a God. And Alma says: "The scriptures are laid before thee, yea, and all things denote there is a God; yea, even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator."
I testify that God, and His son, Jesus Christ, are real. That they love each one of us.
At this time of year especially, I love to read about the Savior. He who was born in Bethlehem, who suffered in Gethseme, who died on Calvary, and who was resurrected. He is my God, He is my brother, He is my best friend. He suffered ALL things that I've suffered, and because of that, I know He can empathize with my feelings as I face trials in this life. He knows how scared I was when I found out I had cancer. He knows how awful I felt through my treatments. He knows how difficult it is for me to get used to looking and feeling different. He also comforts me, calms my soul, and NEVER leaves me alone.
I hope, like me, you'll take time this Christmas season to ponder and study about Jesus Christ. I pray that you'll feel His strength, His love, and the comfort that He can give.
Merry Christmas to all of you.
-Kara Herron
It's those words I want to talk about here tonight. I hope you'll be patient if I spend a few minutes here talking about God. I want to acknowledge that God has blessed my life - even, and especially through my cancer journey. I believe, like little Tim Cratchet does, that God blesses all of us.
One of my favorite scriptures is found in the Book of Mormon - in Alma, chapter 30. The prophet Alma is having a conversation with a man who doesn't believe in God. He wants Alma to give him a sign that there is a God. And Alma says: "The scriptures are laid before thee, yea, and all things denote there is a God; yea, even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator."
I testify that God, and His son, Jesus Christ, are real. That they love each one of us.
At this time of year especially, I love to read about the Savior. He who was born in Bethlehem, who suffered in Gethseme, who died on Calvary, and who was resurrected. He is my God, He is my brother, He is my best friend. He suffered ALL things that I've suffered, and because of that, I know He can empathize with my feelings as I face trials in this life. He knows how scared I was when I found out I had cancer. He knows how awful I felt through my treatments. He knows how difficult it is for me to get used to looking and feeling different. He also comforts me, calms my soul, and NEVER leaves me alone.
I hope, like me, you'll take time this Christmas season to ponder and study about Jesus Christ. I pray that you'll feel His strength, His love, and the comfort that He can give.
Merry Christmas to all of you.
-Kara Herron
Monday, December 12, 2011
MONDAY MEMOIRS - A Walk Down Memory Lane
I've been walking down memory lane today... cleaning out boxes in my basement. I'm trying to create a meaningful Christmas gift for my husband. He wants to "finish" the basement, and my stuff is standing in his way. So, I'm devoting hours every day for the next few weeks to cleaning out the big room that is full of my collection of hard-to-get-rid-of stuff.
Earlier today, I marched downstairs, garbage bags in hand, to start sifting through things. A few hours later, I found myself sitting in the middle of several boxes, going through Christmas cards from years gone by. I was deep in memories, and finding it hard to guide my hand to the garbage bag, even though these cards were too old to even matter anymore. The photos enclosed in the envelopes were of friends and family with young children - those children, like ours, are grown now. No reason to keep the old pictures. I stumbled on some hand written notes from my grandmother - now dead - and the sound of her voice, the touch of her hand, and the feelings I had whenever I was around her just flooded back.
Old puzzle pieces, check registers from 1995, handouts from classes taught, journal pages... so many memories. Needless to say, I didn't get much done. I did end up with 4 garbage bags full of things to be thrown away, and two large boxes of things to donate. However, the basement doesn't look much different - I only made it through about 2 square feet. And I'm beginning to realize that I've carved out quite a task for myself in the next two weeks.
I'll admit that it's nice to let things go - and it will be nice to have lots of room. But, memories are funny things - they get ahold of your heart, and won't let go. I remember at the end of my cancer journey - when my hair was growing in again, and I didn't need the scarves and wigs I had worn for so long... or the blanket that I took to each chemo treatment... or even the books of information that had been my companions for so long. I made a day of putting things away - of getting rid of that part of my life. The thing I realized then, and that I need to remember now, is that I'm getting rid of the "stuff", but not the memories. Those will stay with me forever.
I'm having a hard time working up the desire to head back downstairs. The thought of my husband's face when I take the blindfold off on Christmas morning, and show him the surprise - an empty room that he can work on - is incentive enough to get me back downstairs.
**If you'd like to add something to your cancer story, take a minute to write about the things you've "put away" from your fight with cancer. How did getting rid of those things make you feel?
Earlier today, I marched downstairs, garbage bags in hand, to start sifting through things. A few hours later, I found myself sitting in the middle of several boxes, going through Christmas cards from years gone by. I was deep in memories, and finding it hard to guide my hand to the garbage bag, even though these cards were too old to even matter anymore. The photos enclosed in the envelopes were of friends and family with young children - those children, like ours, are grown now. No reason to keep the old pictures. I stumbled on some hand written notes from my grandmother - now dead - and the sound of her voice, the touch of her hand, and the feelings I had whenever I was around her just flooded back.
Old puzzle pieces, check registers from 1995, handouts from classes taught, journal pages... so many memories. Needless to say, I didn't get much done. I did end up with 4 garbage bags full of things to be thrown away, and two large boxes of things to donate. However, the basement doesn't look much different - I only made it through about 2 square feet. And I'm beginning to realize that I've carved out quite a task for myself in the next two weeks.
I'll admit that it's nice to let things go - and it will be nice to have lots of room. But, memories are funny things - they get ahold of your heart, and won't let go. I remember at the end of my cancer journey - when my hair was growing in again, and I didn't need the scarves and wigs I had worn for so long... or the blanket that I took to each chemo treatment... or even the books of information that had been my companions for so long. I made a day of putting things away - of getting rid of that part of my life. The thing I realized then, and that I need to remember now, is that I'm getting rid of the "stuff", but not the memories. Those will stay with me forever.
I'm having a hard time working up the desire to head back downstairs. The thought of my husband's face when I take the blindfold off on Christmas morning, and show him the surprise - an empty room that he can work on - is incentive enough to get me back downstairs.
**If you'd like to add something to your cancer story, take a minute to write about the things you've "put away" from your fight with cancer. How did getting rid of those things make you feel?
Monday, October 10, 2011
MONDAY MEMOIRS - Recurrence - Fighting The Monster Again
So many cancer survivors worry about a recurrence of their cancer. It seems that every little ache, pain, twitch, bruise, etc. just has to be the monster rearing it's ugly again.
Because of some weird symptoms that have been bothering me for the last 3 months, I've been thinking about recurrence a lot lately. And it's making me miserable. I realized today, that I've been practically holding my breath for days now. The thought of dealing with cancer again is making me physically ill. In fact, I've almost convinced myself that I have cancer again.
One thing this has shown me is that my mind is not quite as stable as I thought! The thought of going through surgeries and chemo again has me shaking in my shoes. It's been a very unpleasant few days.
I can't wait to hear the words, "Everything is fine" from my oncologist this Friday. And if it's not fine - if I do have to fight the monster again, then I'll do it. What other choice would I have? I'm strong enough to take this on!
What about you? Does the thought of recurrence bother you? If not, what do you do to have a positive outlook? Take a few minutes to record in your journal some thoughts about recurrence.
(Sorry about the downer post - I can't think of anything happy to write about right now. I promise things will be better next week.)
Because of some weird symptoms that have been bothering me for the last 3 months, I've been thinking about recurrence a lot lately. And it's making me miserable. I realized today, that I've been practically holding my breath for days now. The thought of dealing with cancer again is making me physically ill. In fact, I've almost convinced myself that I have cancer again.
One thing this has shown me is that my mind is not quite as stable as I thought! The thought of going through surgeries and chemo again has me shaking in my shoes. It's been a very unpleasant few days.
I can't wait to hear the words, "Everything is fine" from my oncologist this Friday. And if it's not fine - if I do have to fight the monster again, then I'll do it. What other choice would I have? I'm strong enough to take this on!
What about you? Does the thought of recurrence bother you? If not, what do you do to have a positive outlook? Take a few minutes to record in your journal some thoughts about recurrence.
(Sorry about the downer post - I can't think of anything happy to write about right now. I promise things will be better next week.)
Monday, September 26, 2011
MONDAY MEMOIRS - The Words of Shakespeare
Last night I was looking for some Shakespeare movies to watch with my son (who is reading Hamlet for a school assignment). There are so many good performances out there, and I wanted him to see some of them. As I watched a few, I fell in love (again) with the language of Shakespeare. The man was simply brilliant! I thought it might be interesting to throw out a few quotes from Shakespeare, and see if you can use them to apply to your cancer journeys. Pick one or two, and write about them in your cancer journal. Ok, here we go...
"Parting is such sweet sorrow"
"Now is the winter of our discontent" (I was having chemo during the winter months, so this quote is very appropriate for me)
"What a piece of work is man"
"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind"
"Out, damn spot!"
"Oh, happy dagger"
"Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie"
"When shall we three meet again"
"The most unkind cut of all"
"We have seen better days"
"Boldness be my friend"
"Farewell, fair cruelty"
"So foul and fair a day I have not seen"
"Sweet are the uses of adversity which, like the toad, ugly and venomous, wears yet a precious jewel in his head."
Here is the quote I chose: "So foul and fair a day I have not seen". I'm thinking about the day of my bi-lateral mastectomy. What a great description - the day was foul, of course, because of what I was losing, but fair because my life was being saved.
I also really love "Out, damn spot!" ;-)
Tell me which quote you picked to write about - why was it a good quote for your cancer journey?
-Kara
"Parting is such sweet sorrow"
"Now is the winter of our discontent" (I was having chemo during the winter months, so this quote is very appropriate for me)
"What a piece of work is man"
"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind"
"Out, damn spot!"
"Oh, happy dagger"
"Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie"
"When shall we three meet again"
"The most unkind cut of all"
"We have seen better days"
"Boldness be my friend"
"Farewell, fair cruelty"
"So foul and fair a day I have not seen"
"Sweet are the uses of adversity which, like the toad, ugly and venomous, wears yet a precious jewel in his head."
Here is the quote I chose: "So foul and fair a day I have not seen". I'm thinking about the day of my bi-lateral mastectomy. What a great description - the day was foul, of course, because of what I was losing, but fair because my life was being saved.
I also really love "Out, damn spot!" ;-)
Tell me which quote you picked to write about - why was it a good quote for your cancer journey?
-Kara
Monday, September 19, 2011
MONDAY MEMOIRS - New Worlds Emerging
“When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.” Tuli Kupfergerg
I was thinking today of the different path my life has taken since being diagnosed with breast cancer. I was on one path and I literally stopped and went a different direction. There are people I've met, things I've done, and decisions I've made that I never would have had the opportunity to experience if cancer was not part of my life. Cancer is not a good thing. However, what happens as a result of cancer can be very positive. I'm a completely different person now than I was 3 years ago. And different is good.
What about you? Open your journal and write about the path you are on now. How has it changed from where you were headed before your diagnosis? What things are different?
I was thinking today of the different path my life has taken since being diagnosed with breast cancer. I was on one path and I literally stopped and went a different direction. There are people I've met, things I've done, and decisions I've made that I never would have had the opportunity to experience if cancer was not part of my life. Cancer is not a good thing. However, what happens as a result of cancer can be very positive. I'm a completely different person now than I was 3 years ago. And different is good.
What about you? Open your journal and write about the path you are on now. How has it changed from where you were headed before your diagnosis? What things are different?
Monday, September 12, 2011
MONDAY MEMOIRS - Humpty Dumpty
Every once in a while, I visit a website called "Writing Through Cancer". This website is the brainchild of Sharon Bray, a writer, teacher, and author. It was inspired by her own journey through cancer. Each week she shares a writing prompt that anyone can use to help guide them in writing about their cancer experience. She has several months of prompts available on the website. I was searching through Sharon's prompts, and found one from the week of August 28th. This prompt started with the familiar words of this nursery rhyme:
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again!
As I read through these lines, and then through Sharon's own essay, I realized what a fitting rhyme this is for those of us who have had their lives interrupted by illness, tragedy, or anything else. There are so many stumbling blocks on this road we call life, and each one of those stumbling blocks changes our course. Our lives fall apart, and it's often hard to put those lives back together again.
I know in my own cancer experience my diagnosis, and subsequent journey through treatment caused many changes - not just physical changes (weight gain, nausea, lost of hair and nails, amputations, scars, loss of energy, etc.), but lifestyle changes as well (job loss, slowing down, needing help, etc.). I'm two and a half years out from my last chemo treatment, but still struggle with many things. It has been tough to "put Humpty together again".
Today, in your cancer journal, respond to this writing prompt. Talk about the "great fall" that has happened in your life (diagnosis), the "king's men and horses" (doctors and care-givers), and the puzzle of putting "Humpty together again".
"I can't go back to yesterday - because I was a different person then." -Lewis Carroll
-Kara
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again!
As I read through these lines, and then through Sharon's own essay, I realized what a fitting rhyme this is for those of us who have had their lives interrupted by illness, tragedy, or anything else. There are so many stumbling blocks on this road we call life, and each one of those stumbling blocks changes our course. Our lives fall apart, and it's often hard to put those lives back together again.
I know in my own cancer experience my diagnosis, and subsequent journey through treatment caused many changes - not just physical changes (weight gain, nausea, lost of hair and nails, amputations, scars, loss of energy, etc.), but lifestyle changes as well (job loss, slowing down, needing help, etc.). I'm two and a half years out from my last chemo treatment, but still struggle with many things. It has been tough to "put Humpty together again".
Today, in your cancer journal, respond to this writing prompt. Talk about the "great fall" that has happened in your life (diagnosis), the "king's men and horses" (doctors and care-givers), and the puzzle of putting "Humpty together again".
"I can't go back to yesterday - because I was a different person then." -Lewis Carroll
-Kara
Monday, August 15, 2011
MONDAY MEMOIRS - Support Groups
I've been thinking all day of what I want to write for Monday. We haven't done a Monday Memoirs lately, so I'll give you something to think about, and write in your cancer journal...
This last Thursday, our support group had it's summer picnic. We had a great turn-out: 120 is the final count. We were so pleased that our members and their families would come and hang out and visit with us. It was a fun-filled night. I'm not going to recap everything that happened - I'll leave that to Colette for next Monday.
But, I do want to talk about support groups.
Here are some questions you might want to include in your cancer journal...
Is having a support group during your cancer journey important to you? What is the most important thing a support group can do for you? If you do belong to a support group, will you continue to attend after you are finished with treatments?
(our support group last year - we now have over 75 members!)
I've pondered these questions quite a bit lately. Mostly because our support group is going through some growing pains right now, and I guess I want confirmation that what we are doing is important. I want to know that the time spent on providing a good support group for the women in our area is justified. I believe that being able to "give back" and serve other women who have breast cancer is part of the healing process - at least, it is for me.
I didn't go to a support group during my treatments, but I wish I could have. There wasn't really one available. There is now. I hope the support group we have is making an impact on our members.
Take a few minutes to answer the questions above in your journal. And then, if you have any suggestions for our support group, post a comment here. We always welcome that.
"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." -Albert Schweitzer
Have a great day!
This last Thursday, our support group had it's summer picnic. We had a great turn-out: 120 is the final count. We were so pleased that our members and their families would come and hang out and visit with us. It was a fun-filled night. I'm not going to recap everything that happened - I'll leave that to Colette for next Monday.
But, I do want to talk about support groups.
Here are some questions you might want to include in your cancer journal...
Is having a support group during your cancer journey important to you? What is the most important thing a support group can do for you? If you do belong to a support group, will you continue to attend after you are finished with treatments?
(our support group last year - we now have over 75 members!)I've pondered these questions quite a bit lately. Mostly because our support group is going through some growing pains right now, and I guess I want confirmation that what we are doing is important. I want to know that the time spent on providing a good support group for the women in our area is justified. I believe that being able to "give back" and serve other women who have breast cancer is part of the healing process - at least, it is for me.
I didn't go to a support group during my treatments, but I wish I could have. There wasn't really one available. There is now. I hope the support group we have is making an impact on our members.
Take a few minutes to answer the questions above in your journal. And then, if you have any suggestions for our support group, post a comment here. We always welcome that.
"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." -Albert Schweitzer
Have a great day!
Monday, June 13, 2011
MONDAY MEMOIRS - Chemo Courage
Lately, I've been hearing about several people who are just starting chemo, and it has reminded me of my chemo days. I remember my first chemo treatment - I was so scared. I had just had a bi-lateral mastectomy two weeks earlier, so I still didn't feel well. I didn't have numbing creme that first day, so it HURT when the nurse poked into my port. Here's a few pictures...
In this one, I'm looking pretty worried because the nurse is trying to find my port!
And here is where she found it!
The rest of my chemo "sticks" weren't so bad - I came to LOVE that numbing cream.. I am very glad that I had a port put into my chest - it made things much easier.
I won't tell you the whole story of my first chemo here, but I will say that I was frightened beyond belief. I watched the first drip and started crying - I wasn't sure what to expect. Would it hurt? What would the chemo do to me? But, it didn't hurt, and I made it through 6 treatments. Little by little I lost things... my hair, my strength... but, I'm happy to say I finished, and I'm better now.
Today, take your journal out and write down everything you can remember about that first day of chemo or radiation. Write the details, your feelings - everything. And then write down one or two things that you learned from this part of your cancer journey... "I am stronger than I thought I was", "I survived losing my hair, and nails", "I learned about charity, love, and service". These are all things that I can say about that part of my cancer journey. It's good to recognize these kinds of things - it's especially good to recognize the strength in yourself.
“Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared.” - Edward Vernon Rickenbacker
In this one, I'm looking pretty worried because the nurse is trying to find my port!
And here is where she found it!
The rest of my chemo "sticks" weren't so bad - I came to LOVE that numbing cream.. I am very glad that I had a port put into my chest - it made things much easier.
I won't tell you the whole story of my first chemo here, but I will say that I was frightened beyond belief. I watched the first drip and started crying - I wasn't sure what to expect. Would it hurt? What would the chemo do to me? But, it didn't hurt, and I made it through 6 treatments. Little by little I lost things... my hair, my strength... but, I'm happy to say I finished, and I'm better now.
Today, take your journal out and write down everything you can remember about that first day of chemo or radiation. Write the details, your feelings - everything. And then write down one or two things that you learned from this part of your cancer journey... "I am stronger than I thought I was", "I survived losing my hair, and nails", "I learned about charity, love, and service". These are all things that I can say about that part of my cancer journey. It's good to recognize these kinds of things - it's especially good to recognize the strength in yourself.
“Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared.” - Edward Vernon Rickenbacker
Monday, April 18, 2011
MONDAY MEMOIRS - SMELLING MEMORIES
Have you ever thought about how strong your sense of smell is?
What happens when you smell these things?
1. A pine scented candle
2. Cinnamon Rolls
3. Homemade bread
4. Roses
5. The air from a dryer vent in the laundry room
6. Leather Furniture
7. The ocean
8. Old books
Well, for me, when I smell these things, I immediately think...
1. Christmas time - decorations - friends - family - gifts
2. Baking homemade Cinnamon Rolls with my grandmother - how she looked - being a little girl - how much I miss Grandma
3. My mother-in-law - when we got our new breadmaker - bakeries
4. My anniversary - funerals - my yard
5. Fresh clothes - work - my mom doing laundry
6. My dad's house - my office - my new furniture - my grandfather
7. Our trip to Virginia Beach - my kids when they were little - The boat that took us around Alcatraz
8. My grandpa's books - an estate sale I went to once long ago - how much I love reading - being in a book store
Isn't it funny how one smell can transport us to places we haven't been in years, and help us remember things from long ago?
I was reading through some posts from my cancer blog recently. I found one about the sense of smell, that made me remember something that happened a couple of years ago. I thought I'd share it here, and see if I'm the only one who ever had this happen...
SENSE OF SMELL TRIGGERS EMOTIONS: Thursday, September 17, 2009
"Something weird happened to me this morning in the shower. Last year, during most of my surgeries and during chemo, I used this body wash soap (Olay Ribbons with lotion). But, I haven't used it for quite awhile. This morning I opened the bottle and used it. Mistake! As soon as I smelled the soap (which actually smells really good), I started having flash backs to all of that awful stuff! It was so weird. I thought about showering with drains in my chest, showering with just barely enough energy to get in and get out, showering and almost fainting from sickness, etc. It was very unpleasant. The same thing has happened to me when I've used the body powder with the chamomile scent that I used during chemo.
Isn't that weird? Has this happened to anyone else? I guess our sense of smell triggers memories and emotions. Interesting.
By-the-way, I won't be using those products anymore. Yeah."
Just reading that post made me sick to my stomach - isn't that funny? I thought for today's Monday Memoirs, I'd ask you to take out your cancer journal and write about this. What things did you use, or eat, that you can't use and eat now? For those of you who haven't had cancer for several years, how long does this reaction last? Comment and let me know.
Have a good day,
Kara
What happens when you smell these things?
1. A pine scented candle
2. Cinnamon Rolls
3. Homemade bread
4. Roses
5. The air from a dryer vent in the laundry room
6. Leather Furniture
7. The ocean
8. Old books
Well, for me, when I smell these things, I immediately think...
1. Christmas time - decorations - friends - family - gifts
2. Baking homemade Cinnamon Rolls with my grandmother - how she looked - being a little girl - how much I miss Grandma
3. My mother-in-law - when we got our new breadmaker - bakeries
4. My anniversary - funerals - my yard
5. Fresh clothes - work - my mom doing laundry
6. My dad's house - my office - my new furniture - my grandfather
7. Our trip to Virginia Beach - my kids when they were little - The boat that took us around Alcatraz
8. My grandpa's books - an estate sale I went to once long ago - how much I love reading - being in a book store
Isn't it funny how one smell can transport us to places we haven't been in years, and help us remember things from long ago?
I was reading through some posts from my cancer blog recently. I found one about the sense of smell, that made me remember something that happened a couple of years ago. I thought I'd share it here, and see if I'm the only one who ever had this happen...
SENSE OF SMELL TRIGGERS EMOTIONS: Thursday, September 17, 2009
"Something weird happened to me this morning in the shower. Last year, during most of my surgeries and during chemo, I used this body wash soap (Olay Ribbons with lotion). But, I haven't used it for quite awhile. This morning I opened the bottle and used it. Mistake! As soon as I smelled the soap (which actually smells really good), I started having flash backs to all of that awful stuff! It was so weird. I thought about showering with drains in my chest, showering with just barely enough energy to get in and get out, showering and almost fainting from sickness, etc. It was very unpleasant. The same thing has happened to me when I've used the body powder with the chamomile scent that I used during chemo.
Isn't that weird? Has this happened to anyone else? I guess our sense of smell triggers memories and emotions. Interesting.
By-the-way, I won't be using those products anymore. Yeah."
Just reading that post made me sick to my stomach - isn't that funny? I thought for today's Monday Memoirs, I'd ask you to take out your cancer journal and write about this. What things did you use, or eat, that you can't use and eat now? For those of you who haven't had cancer for several years, how long does this reaction last? Comment and let me know.
Have a good day,
Kara
Monday, March 14, 2011
MONDAY MEMOIRS - Starting a Cancer Journal or Book...
This morning I was thinking back on my cancer journey. Recently, a friend of mine reminded me that at one time, I had planned to record my cancer journey in a book. So, that's been on my mind. I started to try to recall the order of things - what things happened on my cancer journey. Whenever I do this, I find myself right back there - enduring all of those tests, hearing the results, trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do. It's an uncomfortable thing to go through.
And I think, maybe that's why I haven't written my book yet. Most of the time, when I think about writing it, I just don't want to go back there. But, I do know that writing is therapeutic. It really does help. I know this because I wrote all during my cancer journey. I have a blog, and that's how I coped. So, I think I'll go back to my blog, and start to read. Most of what I need for my book is already written there. I know it's going to be like revisiting an old wound, or someplace I never want to see again. But, I also know that I wanted this whole journey recorded so it could possibly help someone else. So, back I go.
I'll share something I wrote the first day of my blog, as an introduction:
"I started blogging about my cancer journey right after I had my head shaved. That wasn't the start of my cancer journey - it was 4 months into the journey. I'm hoping to be able to go back and write about what happened before that. This is my cancer journal - I hope it helps someone. If you have questions or concerns, and you think I can help, please contact me.
Cancer is an ugly monster. The things we have to do to save ourselves from cancer are ugly as well. Don't expect my thoughts and feelings about what I've gone through to be calm and nice.
Cancer sucks. Welcome to my thoughts."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you written about your cancer journey? You should. It helps. Think back to the beginning - if you were going to start a blog that everyone could read, what would you write to introduce it? Take your cancer journal out, and start it with this.
Good luck.
-Kara
And I think, maybe that's why I haven't written my book yet. Most of the time, when I think about writing it, I just don't want to go back there. But, I do know that writing is therapeutic. It really does help. I know this because I wrote all during my cancer journey. I have a blog, and that's how I coped. So, I think I'll go back to my blog, and start to read. Most of what I need for my book is already written there. I know it's going to be like revisiting an old wound, or someplace I never want to see again. But, I also know that I wanted this whole journey recorded so it could possibly help someone else. So, back I go.
I'll share something I wrote the first day of my blog, as an introduction:
"I started blogging about my cancer journey right after I had my head shaved. That wasn't the start of my cancer journey - it was 4 months into the journey. I'm hoping to be able to go back and write about what happened before that. This is my cancer journal - I hope it helps someone. If you have questions or concerns, and you think I can help, please contact me.
Cancer is an ugly monster. The things we have to do to save ourselves from cancer are ugly as well. Don't expect my thoughts and feelings about what I've gone through to be calm and nice.
Cancer sucks. Welcome to my thoughts."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you written about your cancer journey? You should. It helps. Think back to the beginning - if you were going to start a blog that everyone could read, what would you write to introduce it? Take your cancer journal out, and start it with this.
Good luck.
-Kara
Monday, February 21, 2011
MONDAY MEMOIRS - Recovering From Surgery...
I haven't updated this blog for week or so, mostly because I've been trying to recover from a surgery I had on the 11th of this month. As I've thought about what I want to write today, I've been reflecting on how hard it is to recover from a surgery. No matter what kind of surgery you are having - even if it's just a minor surgery - your body needs the time to recover.
Recovery includes the big things - time to allow the drains to do what is needed, time for incisions to bond and stitches to either be taken out or dissolve, etc.
Recovery also includes the smaller things - time to get pain under control, to sleep, to get your body working normally again.
My recovery has been pretty typical. I've had to live with sponge baths instead of showers, emptying drains that are still in after 11 days, the pain that has been a little hard to control. I've slept a ton, tried to get up and walk around several times a day, and learned to get comfortable in a recliner instead of my bed.
Through all of this, I've learned a few things that have really helped me:
1. Keep a record of all medications and the times they were taken. This is especially helpful when dealing with pain meds. During this recovery, I've had to taken several medications - an antibiotic, an anti-nausea med, stool softeners, a blood thinner, and 2 different kinds of pain meds. I've written down the amount, and the time I've taken each pill. The more medications you have to take, the harder it is to remember everything. A pen and paper really helps.
2. For sponge bathing - keep the following supplies on hand: baby wipes (Huggies wipes are super thick and smell pretty good), a washcloth and some liquid soap, a towel, body powder, deodorant, perfume, and a change of clothing. Keep all of these things in one bathroom, so you don't have to gather them each time you "bathe".
3. DO NOT forget to take stool softeners. Start a few days before your surgery (with your doctor's permission), and continue while you recover. I've found that it doesn't matter how "major" your surgery was - it will screw up your system.
4. My surgery this time was on my lower body, and I've found that having a walker has really helped. Even though I'm supposed to get up and walk around several times a day, it really helps to use a walker, because I'm still dizzy, and I quickly get tired. Being able to rest by leaning on a walker has been so helpful.
5. I've been confined to a recliner since my surgery - it's easier to get up from a recliner than a bed. Right before my surgery, I bought a small table on wheels - it's technically a computer table. It's big enough to hold all of the supplies I need, and it tilts, which is nice when I use a computer. As I mentioned, it has wheels, which helps me move it around easily. Here a list of things that I've found important to have near me (in this case, on my table)...
a. Water bottle - I am drinking TONS of water!
b. Clipboard with paper and pen for recording my meds, and drain totals
c. A few magazines, and books. I've actually got a Nook sitting here beside me. So, I've got a whole library of reading material within inches on my chair.
d. Snacks - mine include crackers, pretzels, and little candies.
e. A laptop computer - this is a must for me. It's the way I keep connected to the world. In my busy life, I rarely have time to just play on the computer. But, since I've been recovering, I've had fun looking up all my favorite stores, information on things I've always wanted to know, emailing, reading blogs, etc.
f. Phones - both my house phone and my cell phone (with chargers) are right here next to me.
g. A smaller container with all of my meds inside. This helps keep them organized and within reach.
h. iPod - music can be soothing and help with healing. I've got hundreds of artists on my iPod. I can listen to whatever music I'm in the mood for.
g. A TV. I rarely watch TV in my normal life - I just don't have time. But, the remote is next to me, and I've taken time to watch some things I enjoy - HGTV, cooking shows, movies. I've been able to get onto my Netflix account, and watch movies on my computer, which has been nice, too.
h. Pillows - I've got pillows to prop up my feet, pillows to tuck around me, and a pillow to hug.
i. A down throw - it seems like I'm always cold, so it's nice to cuddle up with a comfy blanket.
Well, that's my list of necessities. You might have your own list. Take a few minutes to write down a list of things you've found work for you during recovery. And then, share your list with others.
-Kara
Recovery includes the big things - time to allow the drains to do what is needed, time for incisions to bond and stitches to either be taken out or dissolve, etc.
Recovery also includes the smaller things - time to get pain under control, to sleep, to get your body working normally again.
My recovery has been pretty typical. I've had to live with sponge baths instead of showers, emptying drains that are still in after 11 days, the pain that has been a little hard to control. I've slept a ton, tried to get up and walk around several times a day, and learned to get comfortable in a recliner instead of my bed.
Through all of this, I've learned a few things that have really helped me:
1. Keep a record of all medications and the times they were taken. This is especially helpful when dealing with pain meds. During this recovery, I've had to taken several medications - an antibiotic, an anti-nausea med, stool softeners, a blood thinner, and 2 different kinds of pain meds. I've written down the amount, and the time I've taken each pill. The more medications you have to take, the harder it is to remember everything. A pen and paper really helps.
2. For sponge bathing - keep the following supplies on hand: baby wipes (Huggies wipes are super thick and smell pretty good), a washcloth and some liquid soap, a towel, body powder, deodorant, perfume, and a change of clothing. Keep all of these things in one bathroom, so you don't have to gather them each time you "bathe".
3. DO NOT forget to take stool softeners. Start a few days before your surgery (with your doctor's permission), and continue while you recover. I've found that it doesn't matter how "major" your surgery was - it will screw up your system.
4. My surgery this time was on my lower body, and I've found that having a walker has really helped. Even though I'm supposed to get up and walk around several times a day, it really helps to use a walker, because I'm still dizzy, and I quickly get tired. Being able to rest by leaning on a walker has been so helpful.
5. I've been confined to a recliner since my surgery - it's easier to get up from a recliner than a bed. Right before my surgery, I bought a small table on wheels - it's technically a computer table. It's big enough to hold all of the supplies I need, and it tilts, which is nice when I use a computer. As I mentioned, it has wheels, which helps me move it around easily. Here a list of things that I've found important to have near me (in this case, on my table)...
a. Water bottle - I am drinking TONS of water!
b. Clipboard with paper and pen for recording my meds, and drain totals
c. A few magazines, and books. I've actually got a Nook sitting here beside me. So, I've got a whole library of reading material within inches on my chair.
d. Snacks - mine include crackers, pretzels, and little candies.
e. A laptop computer - this is a must for me. It's the way I keep connected to the world. In my busy life, I rarely have time to just play on the computer. But, since I've been recovering, I've had fun looking up all my favorite stores, information on things I've always wanted to know, emailing, reading blogs, etc.
f. Phones - both my house phone and my cell phone (with chargers) are right here next to me.
g. A smaller container with all of my meds inside. This helps keep them organized and within reach.
h. iPod - music can be soothing and help with healing. I've got hundreds of artists on my iPod. I can listen to whatever music I'm in the mood for.
g. A TV. I rarely watch TV in my normal life - I just don't have time. But, the remote is next to me, and I've taken time to watch some things I enjoy - HGTV, cooking shows, movies. I've been able to get onto my Netflix account, and watch movies on my computer, which has been nice, too.
h. Pillows - I've got pillows to prop up my feet, pillows to tuck around me, and a pillow to hug.
i. A down throw - it seems like I'm always cold, so it's nice to cuddle up with a comfy blanket.
Well, that's my list of necessities. You might have your own list. Take a few minutes to write down a list of things you've found work for you during recovery. And then, share your list with others.
-Kara
Monday, February 7, 2011
MONDAY MEMOIRS - Cherry Red with Sparkles
Lately, I've been extremely stressed. There are several reasons that I won't go into here, but the bottom line is I'm STRESSED. I was like this before my cancer diagnosis and I promised myself I wouldn't get to this point again. So, last Saturday - while visiting St. George (the warmer part of Utah) and waiting for my husband to participate in a bike trip (60 miles), I went to a spa. (Isn't that a nice word? Spaaaaaaa.) I walked in and asked for a pedicure. I picked out a color for my toes that would make me happy - cherry red with sparkles. I sat in a really comfy chair that gave me a massage. And while the girl worked on my feet (soak, buff, trim, mask, massage, wax, and polish), I read my all time favorite blogs on my Nook. It was pure heaven! And for 45 minutes, I wasn't stressed at all. I loved every second of it. And look at my toes! Well, I would show you, but I can't find my camera card, so use your imagination - imagine a 1966 cherry red Ford Mustang convertible, with sparkles. That's what my toes look like. Doesn't the thought of that color just make you happy?!
All of Rick's friends had to see my toes after the bike ride - I got claps and whistles. Yes!
What do you do when you feel stressed about life? Is there something that helps to relieve that stress? Get your cancer journal out - and make a list of things that you can do when nothing else works to get rid of stress. Try something outrageous. Or expensive. You, my friend, are worth it!
-Kara
All of Rick's friends had to see my toes after the bike ride - I got claps and whistles. Yes!
What do you do when you feel stressed about life? Is there something that helps to relieve that stress? Get your cancer journal out - and make a list of things that you can do when nothing else works to get rid of stress. Try something outrageous. Or expensive. You, my friend, are worth it!
-Kara
Monday, January 31, 2011
MONDAY MOTIVATION - Elevating Ourselves
A couple of years ago, I read a quote in a book that was put together by a friend. The quote is by a mountain climber, Todd Skinner:
"We cannot lower the mountain, therefore we must elevate ourselves."
I have this quote posted on my bulletin board in my office, and I often read it, and think of what it means to me in relation to my cancer journey. Cancer was a huge, overpowering mountain in my life. I had doubts that I was capable of climbing that mountain. But, I had no choice. And I could either stare up at the mountain, and wish I was on the top, or I could start to physically climb it. It was hard, it exhausted me, and I often could not see the peak - my goal. But, I had my pack full of items that helped me climb to the top: support, great doctors, help, and my attitude. My attitude toward climbing this mountain was probably the most important thing in my "pack". I had to elevate myself above the fear, the uncertainty, the pain... and just continue to climb. Attitude is everything. I really believe that. And since we really can't lower the mountains we come across in our lives, the best way to get around them is to elevate ourselves - climb. Go up and over.
I'm on the other side of that mountain now. It was a challenge. But, I made it. I can see other mountains in the distance - some lower, and some higher. But, I know I can make it to the other side of those as well. Up and over. Climbing mountains makes us stronger. Strength makes us powerful. And power helps us know that we can do anything that is put in front of us.
No matter where you are on that mountain path - just at the beginning, or at the peak, or on your way down - remember to elevate yourself, and you'll make it.
-Kara
"We cannot lower the mountain, therefore we must elevate ourselves."
I have this quote posted on my bulletin board in my office, and I often read it, and think of what it means to me in relation to my cancer journey. Cancer was a huge, overpowering mountain in my life. I had doubts that I was capable of climbing that mountain. But, I had no choice. And I could either stare up at the mountain, and wish I was on the top, or I could start to physically climb it. It was hard, it exhausted me, and I often could not see the peak - my goal. But, I had my pack full of items that helped me climb to the top: support, great doctors, help, and my attitude. My attitude toward climbing this mountain was probably the most important thing in my "pack". I had to elevate myself above the fear, the uncertainty, the pain... and just continue to climb. Attitude is everything. I really believe that. And since we really can't lower the mountains we come across in our lives, the best way to get around them is to elevate ourselves - climb. Go up and over.
I'm on the other side of that mountain now. It was a challenge. But, I made it. I can see other mountains in the distance - some lower, and some higher. But, I know I can make it to the other side of those as well. Up and over. Climbing mountains makes us stronger. Strength makes us powerful. And power helps us know that we can do anything that is put in front of us.
No matter where you are on that mountain path - just at the beginning, or at the peak, or on your way down - remember to elevate yourself, and you'll make it.
-Kara
Monday, January 24, 2011
MONDAY MEMOIRS - Social Networks...
I read today, in a post by Brenda Coffee (BreastCancerSisterhood.com), the following:
"I read a Vanderbilt University Medical Center study that said breast cancer survivors with a strong social network and a feeling of social well-being live longer."
What an interesting thing. It reassures me that our group - Sister Survivors - is going to make a difference. Being able to get together with a group of fellow survivors is important. Learning together, exercising together, crying together, etc., will help us all. And I whole-heartedly agree, that having a strong social network is helpful when you are going through a trial.
What do you think? Can you take a minute to open your cancer journal, and write about what Brenda said? Were you alone throughout your journey, or surrounded by others? Do you think being part of a group - a group like Sister Survivors, or even a group of personal friends - is going to help you?
By-the-way, I love to read Brenda's posts every week. She is a great writer. She recently lost her husband - something that was very unexpected - and my heart goes out to her. I think about her each week I read her post. Check out her website - she has so many helpful things there. I know you'll love her too.
-Kara
"I read a Vanderbilt University Medical Center study that said breast cancer survivors with a strong social network and a feeling of social well-being live longer."
What an interesting thing. It reassures me that our group - Sister Survivors - is going to make a difference. Being able to get together with a group of fellow survivors is important. Learning together, exercising together, crying together, etc., will help us all. And I whole-heartedly agree, that having a strong social network is helpful when you are going through a trial.
What do you think? Can you take a minute to open your cancer journal, and write about what Brenda said? Were you alone throughout your journey, or surrounded by others? Do you think being part of a group - a group like Sister Survivors, or even a group of personal friends - is going to help you?
By-the-way, I love to read Brenda's posts every week. She is a great writer. She recently lost her husband - something that was very unexpected - and my heart goes out to her. I think about her each week I read her post. Check out her website - she has so many helpful things there. I know you'll love her too.
-Kara
Monday, January 17, 2011
MONDAY MEMOIRS - Adjusting Our Sails...
“I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” -- Jimmy Dean
This quote paints such an interesting picture to me - think of being on a sailboat, and the wind comes up - pushing you this way, and that way. If you do nothing, you can be blown completely off course, and perhaps even crash on the rocks. But, if you take charge, adjust the sails to compensate, then you'll reach your destination safely.
I read this quote today, and tried to think of it as it might apply to my cancer journey - that even though I can't change the fact that I was diagnosed with cancer, I can certainly adjust things like my thinking, my attitude, my circumstances, my eating habits, my exercise, etc., to allow myself to arrive at the end of my journey better, and safer, than at the start.
What do you think about this quote? If you'd like to, take out your cancer journal and write what comes to mind when you read this quote.
-Kara
This quote paints such an interesting picture to me - think of being on a sailboat, and the wind comes up - pushing you this way, and that way. If you do nothing, you can be blown completely off course, and perhaps even crash on the rocks. But, if you take charge, adjust the sails to compensate, then you'll reach your destination safely.
I read this quote today, and tried to think of it as it might apply to my cancer journey - that even though I can't change the fact that I was diagnosed with cancer, I can certainly adjust things like my thinking, my attitude, my circumstances, my eating habits, my exercise, etc., to allow myself to arrive at the end of my journey better, and safer, than at the start.
What do you think about this quote? If you'd like to, take out your cancer journal and write what comes to mind when you read this quote.
-Kara
Monday, January 10, 2011
MONDAY MEMOIRS - Your Previous Self...
I'm not sure about you, but my recovery from cancer hasn't been going well. Admittedly, before I was diagnosed with cancer, I wasn't super healthy. I was overweight, and rarely found time to do much exercise. I did try to walk, but that's about it. I just simply wasn't taking care of myself like I should have. So, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I thought "Jeez - this is just GREAT! I'm already not healthy - what is this going to do to me??!!"
Unlike some of you, I didn't try to exercise during my treatments. I was just too tired and sick. When I found out about chemo, I thought "Well, at least I'll lose a bunch of weight - there's one good thing that will come from chemo". That didn't happen. Of course, I did lose TONS of muscle (since chemo loves to destroy your muscle), but my weight didn't go down at all. In fact, it stayed pretty much exactly the same! The first week after a chemo treatment, I'd lose about 12-15 pounds - I just couldn't eat. But, for the next two weeks, the weight would slowly come back. By the time I had my next chemo treatment, I'd be back at my "normal" weight. I didn't really understand why this was happening, until right before my last treatment, when I found out that one of the medicines I was taking each time was a steroid. Yep, it was the steroid that put the weight back on. I was mad. In fact, the last time I was supposed to take it - during my final chemo treatment - I just didn't. Looking back, that probably wasn't the best decision I ever made. The steroid was helping with the side affects that came from chemo. I'm not sure if NOT taking the steroid that last time cause the 2 months of nose bleeds I had, or caused my nails to finally fall off. But, it probably would have helped if I would have followed my doctor's orders, and taken it.
It's been two year since my chemo treatments - in fact, on February 11th, it will be my 2 year anniversary of my LAST chemo treatment. For some reason, I thought I'd feel better after two years. I don't feel much better at all. I guess it makes sense that my muscles and joints would be sore, since chemo wasn't too nice to them. And it makes sense that I would have a hard time losing the fat I gained during chemo. But, I'm really frustrated that I'm still feeling so sore that it's hard to even walk (a recent surgery to remove heel spurs didn't help - just made walking more painful). And there's not much incentive to exercise when it will just make me even more miserable. *sigh*
There are a few things I've been doing to really help myself, though. I've been trying to drink a protein shake every day, to help with hair regrowth. I've been taking vitamins every day as well - which I think is helping my nails become stronger, and hopefully giving me a little bit of energy. I've also been losing weight - slowly but surely. I've lost 18 pounds. Not too bad, right?
Earlier this week, I was talking to my husband, and told him that I'm tired of feeling crappy all the time. Why is my body feeling this way?! It wasn't like this before cancer. I seriously feel like I'm 20 years older than I really am. I don't like the idea that I'll be like this forever. So, I've decided that this is MY YEAR! I'm going to get feeling better - I will get back to my "normal" self! I'm going to start exercising, even if it gets worse before it gets better. Hopefully, with exercise, my muscles and joints won't be so bad. (And maybe the exercises will help with the Lymphodema I've got). I've got an exercise video called Second Chance: Fitness after Breast Cancer, by Dorelle Laffal (a 3 time breast cancer survivor, and a world class weight lifter). I watched it this morning, and the exercises aren't too strenuous - they are just perfect for getting my body feeling better. I'll continue to watch what I eat - trying to eat more veggies and fruits. I'll continue to lose weight - a little bit at a time. And I'm going to try to make each day better than the one before. This is my year to return to the previous Kara - but, even better. I'm turning 45 this year - I should feel like I'm in the prime of my life! Hopefully, by the end of 2011, I will. :-)
How about you? What changes have you seen in your body, and the way you feel, since being diagnosed with cancer? What things have you done to stay healthy, or get back to your previous self? Take out your cancer journal and record some thoughts. Make a few goals that will help you improve your health, and the way you feel.
-Kara
Unlike some of you, I didn't try to exercise during my treatments. I was just too tired and sick. When I found out about chemo, I thought "Well, at least I'll lose a bunch of weight - there's one good thing that will come from chemo". That didn't happen. Of course, I did lose TONS of muscle (since chemo loves to destroy your muscle), but my weight didn't go down at all. In fact, it stayed pretty much exactly the same! The first week after a chemo treatment, I'd lose about 12-15 pounds - I just couldn't eat. But, for the next two weeks, the weight would slowly come back. By the time I had my next chemo treatment, I'd be back at my "normal" weight. I didn't really understand why this was happening, until right before my last treatment, when I found out that one of the medicines I was taking each time was a steroid. Yep, it was the steroid that put the weight back on. I was mad. In fact, the last time I was supposed to take it - during my final chemo treatment - I just didn't. Looking back, that probably wasn't the best decision I ever made. The steroid was helping with the side affects that came from chemo. I'm not sure if NOT taking the steroid that last time cause the 2 months of nose bleeds I had, or caused my nails to finally fall off. But, it probably would have helped if I would have followed my doctor's orders, and taken it.
It's been two year since my chemo treatments - in fact, on February 11th, it will be my 2 year anniversary of my LAST chemo treatment. For some reason, I thought I'd feel better after two years. I don't feel much better at all. I guess it makes sense that my muscles and joints would be sore, since chemo wasn't too nice to them. And it makes sense that I would have a hard time losing the fat I gained during chemo. But, I'm really frustrated that I'm still feeling so sore that it's hard to even walk (a recent surgery to remove heel spurs didn't help - just made walking more painful). And there's not much incentive to exercise when it will just make me even more miserable. *sigh*
There are a few things I've been doing to really help myself, though. I've been trying to drink a protein shake every day, to help with hair regrowth. I've been taking vitamins every day as well - which I think is helping my nails become stronger, and hopefully giving me a little bit of energy. I've also been losing weight - slowly but surely. I've lost 18 pounds. Not too bad, right?
Earlier this week, I was talking to my husband, and told him that I'm tired of feeling crappy all the time. Why is my body feeling this way?! It wasn't like this before cancer. I seriously feel like I'm 20 years older than I really am. I don't like the idea that I'll be like this forever. So, I've decided that this is MY YEAR! I'm going to get feeling better - I will get back to my "normal" self! I'm going to start exercising, even if it gets worse before it gets better. Hopefully, with exercise, my muscles and joints won't be so bad. (And maybe the exercises will help with the Lymphodema I've got). I've got an exercise video called Second Chance: Fitness after Breast Cancer, by Dorelle Laffal (a 3 time breast cancer survivor, and a world class weight lifter). I watched it this morning, and the exercises aren't too strenuous - they are just perfect for getting my body feeling better. I'll continue to watch what I eat - trying to eat more veggies and fruits. I'll continue to lose weight - a little bit at a time. And I'm going to try to make each day better than the one before. This is my year to return to the previous Kara - but, even better. I'm turning 45 this year - I should feel like I'm in the prime of my life! Hopefully, by the end of 2011, I will. :-)
How about you? What changes have you seen in your body, and the way you feel, since being diagnosed with cancer? What things have you done to stay healthy, or get back to your previous self? Take out your cancer journal and record some thoughts. Make a few goals that will help you improve your health, and the way you feel.
-Kara
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