MONDAY MOTIVATION/THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Only One Purpose

I haven't shared Kathy's Thursday Thoughts for a few weeks, so I thought I'd post one here today.  I thank her SO much for these words.  There are days when I just need to hear that what we are doing is helping and making a difference - exactly what we set out to do. Kathy's next post will be on Thursday...

I love my job at the bank because I meet such fascinating people and they teach me so much. Randy is one of those people. He is probably in his mid forties. He is severely handicapped and mentally challenged. He is deaf and therefore has difficulty speaking, but he holds down a job and brings his deposits into the bank on a regular basis. Karen is a woman who has taken Randy under her wing. She told me one day, “I loved him the minute I met him.”  She has learned sign language and she (along with her husband) brings him in to help him with his finances. I love to see them when they come in. There is no fanfare and no public recognition…just love and charity being displayed in its purest form.

Seeing them makes me think of the many people who have touched my life. Most are not public figures and they probably don’t have huge bank accounts or drive the biggest and best cars. But their hearts are full of genuine concern and love. Among these are the women in our organization Lifting Hearts. They are organized for only one purpose…to lend support and love to those who are suffering from the rigors of Breast Cancer. They are among the most  noble women I know.

I was drawn to a song written by Alan Jackson about his father. The entire song was worth listening to, but the chorus catches the spirit I am trying to create in this week’s blog. It goes like this:

And he Bowed his head to Jesus
And he stood for Uncle Sam
And he only loved one woman
Was always proud of what he had
He said his finest contribution
Was the ones he left behind
Raised on the ways and gentle kindness
Of a small town southern man

Although I was not raised in the south, the chorus of this song resonated with me deeply even the first time I heard it, because I know so many unsung heroes like the one Jackson sang about. While our society seems to be fascinated with the lives of the rich and famous, I feel that perhaps equal or even more attention should be given to those who are noble and unknown, for they are the backbone of this nation. We also need to recognize that all of us have a circle of influence that is greater than we realize, and if we each invest ourselves in doing all we can to lighten the load for the people in our circle, the world becomes a more pleasant place for all of us. Although most of our lives do not play out on a public stage, we can add a great measure of joy to those we serve, just like Karen does for Randy, and the women of Lifting Hearts do for those who are progressing through their Breast Cancer journeys. There are endless opportunities to do this and I for one, plan to be more aware and a little less self absorbed so that I can bring at least a few more smiles to those within my circle.

Kathy Christensen

MONDAY MEMOIRS - The Seasons of Cancer

As I watch Spring unfold around my world, I've been reflecting on the seasons....

Fall, when everything stops growing, and the trees and bushes shed their leaves - the colors dim, and the "life" slows down.

Winter, with it's bare trees, lack of color, and cold.

And then the world wakes up slowly, and Spring is here, gradually coloring the world with green leaves and grass, and flowers in a rainbow of colors.

Summer follows, as we enjoy warmth, and rest, and life.

My cancer journey perfectly mirrored the seasons... I was diagnosed at the beginning of Fall, and as the leaves fell from the trees, my hair fell out, and I lost much of the "life" that was in me, due to the chemo treatments and surgeries. By the time Winter came, I was colorless and bare - full of drugs, and so tired. My treatments ended in February, just in time for Spring to show it's pretty face, with all it's promise of life. My hair started to grow, right along with the buds on the trees, and the flowers in my garden. My health started to bloom again. By Summer, I had started to enjoy life again - those lazy days with my kids home from school. And I breathed a sigh of relief that the hard Winter of my disease was over.

That year of my life, as the seasons changed, and my life changed, was very symbolic for me. To have my body and soul changed in a mirror of what was happening in nature, helped me to know that the winter does end, and the spring does come again... a perfect example of Hope, Renewal, and Fulfillment.

Each person's life will come full circle,
Even as the seasons do,
To start another, different life,
Much better than the one we knew.
~C.A. Schlea~

I hope that in whatever season you are right now, you'll enjoy it, and know that it will change, and you will change, and everything will get better. Take a minute to record the seasons of your cancer journey in your journal. Have a wonderful Spring day!

-Kara

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Children and Cancer

This week, at our monthly support meeting, one of our members will be talking to us about helping our children through the breast cancer journey. She is a school psychologist, and will help us understand how to help our children (and grandchildren) find control and comfort during our breast cancer journeys.

This got me thinking about my children. I have 4 boys, and they were ages 21, 18, 14, and 11 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I tried to pay attention to how they were reacting during my surgeries and treatments, but with older kids, it was kind of hard. They practically took care of themselves. My oldest didn't even live in the country at the time - he was in Japan. I think it was a difficult thing for him to deal with, because there was that uncertainty of not knowing what was going on. (He was on a religious mission for our church for two years, and he wasn't allowed to call and talk to us. It was tough). My second was away at college, but was very much aware of what was going on. He visited, but didn't have to deal with the day to day stuff. I've never actually asked my other two how it affected them. They are 18 and 15 now, and so I think they would be able to talk about it. It seemed to me that they breezed right through it, but you never know with kids. I would be very interested to hear what they have to say about it.

This is the first time seeing my oldest, Grant, after my diagnosis. I had just finished my last chemo treatment, and he was returning from Japan. We hadn't seen each other for 2 years!

I think it would be much more difficult with younger children. They depend so much on their mothers for even simple things - like food, clothing, and love. It's easy to love - especially while you are going through a life-threatening event - because you just want all of your family around you - at least, I did. I just wanted to gather everyone home, and keep an eye on them. But, the everyday stuff, like laundry, fixing meals, running kids around, and even just trying to stay active in the day-to-day running of the family - that's more difficult. I'm just happy that I didn't have to worry about my children. They were old enough to take care of themselves, although I have a feeling that it was hard for them.

I do remember being in bed, feeling awful - especially after chemo treatments - and hearing the front door open and close, and then hearing a little knock on my bedroom door. One of them would poke their head in and check to see if I was ok. I would assure them that all was well... I was just a little tired. I'd ask about school, and they'd ask about dinner. And then, they'd run off to finish up their day.

But, how did they really cope? I'm not sure. They are fine now. It's something I'll have to ask them. It will be interesting to hear their answers. I'll share those answers with you in another post.

Take a minute, in your cancer journal, to recall how things went with your own children - their ages, their interaction. Is there a particular event that stands out in your mind? (Mine is when my head was shaved - I didn't handle it well - I cried... a lot - and my sons were there watching. I remember Michael taking pictures, Alex standing way down the hall, glancing at me from time to time, and Matthew hiding behind a column upstairs. If it was traumatic for me, what was it like for them?)

As a child, how would it feel to watch your mother getting her head shaved?

Three of my boys - right after my head was shaved. The hug was good for all of us.

Write about the good and the bad things associated with your children and cancer.

My children - after my cancer journey. This picture is from a photo shoot that they set up as a gift to me from them.

And this is my favorite picture from that photo shoot - happy kids. Nothing gives me more joy, especially after having traveled through a difficult time with them. I'm here... they are here... it's all fine now.

Please join us for the support meeting this Thursday, at 7:00 pm. If you have any questions, please call me at 801-360-4666.

-Kara

MONDAY MEMOIRS - The Words of Shakespeare

Last night I was looking for some Shakespeare movies to watch with my son (who is reading Hamlet for a school assignment). There are so many good performances out there, and I wanted him to see some of them. As I watched a few, I fell in love (again) with the language of Shakespeare. The man was simply brilliant! I thought it might be interesting to throw out a few quotes from Shakespeare, and see if you can use them to apply to your cancer journeys. Pick one or two, and write about them in your cancer journal. Ok, here we go...

"Parting is such sweet sorrow"

"Now is the winter of our discontent" (I was having chemo during the winter months, so this quote is very appropriate for me)

"What a piece of work is man"

"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind"

"Out, damn spot!"

"Oh, happy dagger"

"Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie"

"When shall we three meet again"

"The most unkind cut of all"

"We have seen better days"

"Boldness be my friend"

"Farewell, fair cruelty"

"So foul and fair a day I have not seen"

"Sweet are the uses of adversity which, like the toad, ugly and venomous, wears yet a precious jewel in his head."

Here is the quote I chose: "So foul and fair a day I have not seen". I'm thinking about the day of my bi-lateral mastectomy. What a great description - the day was foul, of course, because of what I was losing, but fair because my life was being saved.

I also really love "Out, damn spot!" ;-)

Tell me which quote you picked to write about - why was it a good quote for your cancer journey?

-Kara

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Humpty Dumpty

Every once in a while, I visit a website called "Writing Through Cancer". This website is the brainchild of Sharon Bray, a writer, teacher, and author. It was inspired by her own journey through cancer. Each week she shares a writing prompt that anyone can use to help guide them in writing about their cancer experience. She has several months of prompts available on the website. I was searching through Sharon's prompts, and found one from the week of August 28th. This prompt started with the familiar words of this nursery rhyme:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again!



As I read through these lines, and then through Sharon's own essay, I realized what a fitting rhyme this is for those of us who have had their lives interrupted by illness, tragedy, or anything else. There are so many stumbling blocks on this road we call life, and each one of those stumbling blocks changes our course. Our lives fall apart, and it's often hard to put those lives back together again.

I know in my own cancer experience my diagnosis, and subsequent journey through treatment caused many changes - not just physical changes (weight gain, nausea, lost of hair and nails, amputations, scars, loss of energy, etc.), but lifestyle changes as well (job loss, slowing down, needing help, etc.). I'm two and a half years out from my last chemo treatment, but still struggle with many things. It has been tough to "put Humpty together again".

Today, in your cancer journal, respond to this writing prompt. Talk about the "great fall" that has happened in your life (diagnosis), the "king's men and horses" (doctors and care-givers), and the puzzle of putting "Humpty together again".

"I can't go back to yesterday - because I was a different person then." -Lewis Carroll

-Kara

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Support Groups

I've been thinking all day of what I want to write for Monday. We haven't done a Monday Memoirs lately, so I'll give you something to think about, and write in your cancer journal...

This last Thursday, our support group had it's summer picnic. We had a great turn-out: 120 is the final count. We were so pleased that our members and their families would come and hang out and visit with us. It was a fun-filled night. I'm not going to recap everything that happened - I'll leave that to Colette for next Monday.

But, I do want to talk about support groups.
Here are some questions you might want to include in your cancer journal...

Is having a support group during your cancer journey important to you? What is the most important thing a support group can do for you? If you do belong to a support group, will you continue to attend after you are finished with treatments?

(our support group last year - we now have over 75 members!)

I've pondered these questions quite a bit lately. Mostly because our support group is going through some growing pains right now, and I guess I want confirmation that what we are doing is important. I want to know that the time spent on providing a good support group for the women in our area is justified. I believe that being able to "give back" and serve other women who have breast cancer is part of the healing process - at least, it is for me.

I didn't go to a support group during my treatments, but I wish I could have. There wasn't really one available. There is now. I hope the support group we have is making an impact on our members.

Take a few minutes to answer the questions above in your journal. And then, if you have any suggestions for our support group, post a comment here. We always welcome that.

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." -Albert Schweitzer

Have a great day!

MONDAY MOTIVATION - In Your Own Words

This week, at our support meeting, we will be learning to journal our cancer stories - through writing and art. It's a good idea to start thinking about what you'll want to include in your cancer story. Here's a list of some of the things I've written about...

Finding Out I Have Cancer
A Bi-Lateral Mastectomy Surgery
Chemotherapy
Side Effects
Tests
Losing Hair
Scars
The Color Pink
Expanders
Reconstructive Surgery
My Port

If you will be attending our support group, please take a few minutes to think about what you would like to write about. Here is a page from my cancer story...



Nadine Gordimer said: “Writing is making sense of life." I really do believe that. Writing to me is therapeutic. I've found that if I can just write about what happened to me - the good and the bad - that it will leave the place it occupies in my head, and not bother me as much anymore. I waited for 1 year before I could even write about having my bi-lateral mastectomy. It was too difficult to write about at first, and then I started to forget. But, once I started writing, it all came back.

I've also found that if I can't write about something, I can probably express myself in other ways - art journaling, for instance. What colors and images come to mind when you think about your cancer journey? This week, I'm going to try to take a blank sheet of paper and create my feelings about my cancer journey. Here are a few beautiful pages that illustrate what art journaling is:




Please join us this Thursday for a wonderful, create, purging night.
-Kara

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Chemo Courage

Lately, I've been hearing about several people who are just starting chemo, and it has reminded me of my chemo days. I remember my first chemo treatment - I was so scared. I had just had a bi-lateral mastectomy two weeks earlier, so I still didn't feel well. I didn't have numbing creme that first day, so it HURT when the nurse poked into my port. Here's a few pictures...

In this one, I'm looking pretty worried because the nurse is trying to find my port!

And here is where she found it!


The rest of my chemo "sticks" weren't so bad - I came to LOVE that numbing cream.. I am very glad that I had a port put into my chest - it made things much easier.

I won't tell you the whole story of my first chemo here, but I will say that I was frightened beyond belief. I watched the first drip and started crying - I wasn't sure what to expect. Would it hurt? What would the chemo do to me? But, it didn't hurt, and I made it through 6 treatments. Little by little I lost things... my hair, my strength... but, I'm happy to say I finished, and I'm better now.

Today, take your journal out and write down everything you can remember about that first day of chemo or radiation. Write the details, your feelings - everything. And then write down one or two things that you learned from this part of your cancer journey... "I am stronger than I thought I was", "I survived losing my hair, and nails", "I learned about charity, love, and service". These are all things that I can say about that part of my cancer journey. It's good to recognize these kinds of things - it's especially good to recognize the strength in yourself.

“Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared.” - Edward Vernon Rickenbacker

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Starting a Cancer Journal or Book...

This morning I was thinking back on my cancer journey. Recently, a friend of mine reminded me that at one time, I had planned to record my cancer journey in a book. So, that's been on my mind. I started to try to recall the order of things - what things happened on my cancer journey. Whenever I do this, I find myself right back there - enduring all of those tests, hearing the results, trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do. It's an uncomfortable thing to go through.

And I think, maybe that's why I haven't written my book yet. Most of the time, when I think about writing it, I just don't want to go back there. But, I do know that writing is therapeutic. It really does help. I know this because I wrote all during my cancer journey. I have a blog, and that's how I coped. So, I think I'll go back to my blog, and start to read. Most of what I need for my book is already written there. I know it's going to be like revisiting an old wound, or someplace I never want to see again. But, I also know that I wanted this whole journey recorded so it could possibly help someone else. So, back I go.

I'll share something I wrote the first day of my blog, as an introduction:

"I started blogging about my cancer journey right after I had my head shaved. That wasn't the start of my cancer journey - it was 4 months into the journey. I'm hoping to be able to go back and write about what happened before that. This is my cancer journal - I hope it helps someone. If you have questions or concerns, and you think I can help, please contact me.

Cancer is an ugly monster. The things we have to do to save ourselves from cancer are ugly as well. Don't expect my thoughts and feelings about what I've gone through to be calm and nice.

Cancer sucks. Welcome to my thoughts."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you written about your cancer journey? You should. It helps. Think back to the beginning - if you were going to start a blog that everyone could read, what would you write to introduce it? Take your cancer journal out, and start it with this.

Good luck.

-Kara

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Cherry Red with Sparkles

Lately, I've been extremely stressed. There are several reasons that I won't go into here, but the bottom line is I'm STRESSED. I was like this before my cancer diagnosis and I promised myself I wouldn't get to this point again. So, last Saturday - while visiting St. George (the warmer part of Utah) and waiting for my husband to participate in a bike trip (60 miles), I went to a spa. (Isn't that a nice word? Spaaaaaaa.) I walked in and asked for a pedicure. I picked out a color for my toes that would make me happy - cherry red with sparkles. I sat in a really comfy chair that gave me a massage. And while the girl worked on my feet (soak, buff, trim, mask, massage, wax, and polish), I read my all time favorite blogs on my Nook. It was pure heaven! And for 45 minutes, I wasn't stressed at all. I loved every second of it. And look at my toes! Well, I would show you, but I can't find my camera card, so use your imagination - imagine a 1966 cherry red Ford Mustang convertible, with sparkles. That's what my toes look like. Doesn't the thought of that color just make you happy?!

All of Rick's friends had to see my toes after the bike ride - I got claps and whistles. Yes!

What do you do when you feel stressed about life? Is there something that helps to relieve that stress? Get your cancer journal out - and make a list of things that you can do when nothing else works to get rid of stress. Try something outrageous. Or expensive. You, my friend, are worth it!

-Kara

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Life is what it is...

Take It As It Comes

"One of the most important lessons I've ever learned is that life is rarely exactly as we would like it to be. Instead, it is exactly as it is. Nothing more and nothing less. And the closer we come to making peace with this fact of life, the happier and less stressed we will become. In a way, this form of acceptance of what is actually occurring in the moment is one of the ultimate forms of wisdom. It is one of the greatest stress relievers available to the human race. Life is a journey. There are going to be ongoing issues to deal with and solve. So many things will occur that are beyond your control and that you disapprove of. This being the case, why not step back for a minute and see the wisdom of taking life in stride? If you do, your life is going to get a whole lot easier." --Richard Carlson

When I was diagnosed with Cancer, my youngest son told me, "Mom, I am keying my reactions off of yours. You seem like everything will be fine and that makes me feel better." Of course, my Cancer was very small and the prognosis was positive. At any rate, I think that our families react to Cancer, or other difficult issues in life, the way WE do. Because this journey we call life will more times than not, include difficult and complicated situations, the art of taking life in stride is a worthy goal for all of us to achieve. For people like me, who tend to be a little (or a LOT) on the high strung side of the spectrum, it has been and continues to be a real struggle at times, but I can honestly say it is worth the effort to keep trying.

Kathy Christensen
Sister Survivor
Guest Blogger

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Social Networks...

I read today, in a post by Brenda Coffee (BreastCancerSisterhood.com), the following:

"I read a Vanderbilt University Medical Center study that said breast cancer survivors with a strong social network and a feeling of social well-being live longer."

What an interesting thing. It reassures me that our group - Sister Survivors - is going to make a difference. Being able to get together with a group of fellow survivors is important. Learning together, exercising together, crying together, etc., will help us all. And I whole-heartedly agree, that having a strong social network is helpful when you are going through a trial.

What do you think? Can you take a minute to open your cancer journal, and write about what Brenda said? Were you alone throughout your journey, or surrounded by others? Do you think being part of a group - a group like Sister Survivors, or even a group of personal friends - is going to help you?

By-the-way, I love to read Brenda's posts every week. She is a great writer. She recently lost her husband - something that was very unexpected - and my heart goes out to her. I think about her each week I read her post. Check out her website - she has so many helpful things there. I know you'll love her too.

-Kara

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Adjusting Our Sails...

“I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” -- Jimmy Dean

This quote paints such an interesting picture to me - think of being on a sailboat, and the wind comes up - pushing you this way, and that way. If you do nothing, you can be blown completely off course, and perhaps even crash on the rocks. But, if you take charge, adjust the sails to compensate, then you'll reach your destination safely.

I read this quote today, and tried to think of it as it might apply to my cancer journey - that even though I can't change the fact that I was diagnosed with cancer, I can certainly adjust things like my thinking, my attitude, my circumstances, my eating habits, my exercise, etc., to allow myself to arrive at the end of my journey better, and safer, than at the start.

What do you think about this quote? If you'd like to, take out your cancer journal and write what comes to mind when you read this quote.

-Kara

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Your Previous Self...

I'm not sure about you, but my recovery from cancer hasn't been going well. Admittedly, before I was diagnosed with cancer, I wasn't super healthy. I was overweight, and rarely found time to do much exercise. I did try to walk, but that's about it. I just simply wasn't taking care of myself like I should have. So, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I thought "Jeez - this is just GREAT! I'm already not healthy - what is this going to do to me??!!"

Unlike some of you, I didn't try to exercise during my treatments. I was just too tired and sick. When I found out about chemo, I thought "Well, at least I'll lose a bunch of weight - there's one good thing that will come from chemo". That didn't happen. Of course, I did lose TONS of muscle (since chemo loves to destroy your muscle), but my weight didn't go down at all. In fact, it stayed pretty much exactly the same! The first week after a chemo treatment, I'd lose about 12-15 pounds - I just couldn't eat. But, for the next two weeks, the weight would slowly come back. By the time I had my next chemo treatment, I'd be back at my "normal" weight. I didn't really understand why this was happening, until right before my last treatment, when I found out that one of the medicines I was taking each time was a steroid. Yep, it was the steroid that put the weight back on. I was mad. In fact, the last time I was supposed to take it - during my final chemo treatment - I just didn't. Looking back, that probably wasn't the best decision I ever made. The steroid was helping with the side affects that came from chemo. I'm not sure if NOT taking the steroid that last time cause the 2 months of nose bleeds I had, or caused my nails to finally fall off. But, it probably would have helped if I would have followed my doctor's orders, and taken it.

It's been two year since my chemo treatments - in fact, on February 11th, it will be my 2 year anniversary of my LAST chemo treatment. For some reason, I thought I'd feel better after two years. I don't feel much better at all. I guess it makes sense that my muscles and joints would be sore, since chemo wasn't too nice to them. And it makes sense that I would have a hard time losing the fat I gained during chemo. But, I'm really frustrated that I'm still feeling so sore that it's hard to even walk (a recent surgery to remove heel spurs didn't help - just made walking more painful). And there's not much incentive to exercise when it will just make me even more miserable. *sigh*

There are a few things I've been doing to really help myself, though. I've been trying to drink a protein shake every day, to help with hair regrowth. I've been taking vitamins every day as well - which I think is helping my nails become stronger, and hopefully giving me a little bit of energy. I've also been losing weight - slowly but surely. I've lost 18 pounds. Not too bad, right?

Earlier this week, I was talking to my husband, and told him that I'm tired of feeling crappy all the time. Why is my body feeling this way?! It wasn't like this before cancer. I seriously feel like I'm 20 years older than I really am. I don't like the idea that I'll be like this forever. So, I've decided that this is MY YEAR! I'm going to get feeling better - I will get back to my "normal" self! I'm going to start exercising, even if it gets worse before it gets better. Hopefully, with exercise, my muscles and joints won't be so bad. (And maybe the exercises will help with the Lymphodema I've got). I've got an exercise video called Second Chance: Fitness after Breast Cancer, by Dorelle Laffal (a 3 time breast cancer survivor, and a world class weight lifter). I watched it this morning, and the exercises aren't too strenuous - they are just perfect for getting my body feeling better. I'll continue to watch what I eat - trying to eat more veggies and fruits. I'll continue to lose weight - a little bit at a time. And I'm going to try to make each day better than the one before. This is my year to return to the previous Kara - but, even better. I'm turning 45 this year - I should feel like I'm in the prime of my life! Hopefully, by the end of 2011, I will. :-)

How about you? What changes have you seen in your body, and the way you feel, since being diagnosed with cancer? What things have you done to stay healthy, or get back to your previous self? Take out your cancer journal and record some thoughts. Make a few goals that will help you improve your health, and the way you feel.

-Kara

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Putting Away the Clutter...

I've been without internet for a few days, so I've taken the time away from my computer to clean up all of my Christmas "mess". As I was putting things away, and dusting/vacuuming/etc., I realized how much I love this time of the new year - when all of the clutter is put away, and I breath a sigh of relief because my house looks clean. I love it when I get to bring out my everyday decorations - my beautiful Japanese doll, my favorite red vase, my family picture above the fireplace, my grandmother's clock. Away go the Santa things, and out come my favorite photos - those of my grandparents' weddings, my children when they were young, a picture of Christ. I feel like I'm finally getting back to normal after the whirl of holidays in the last few months.

As I boxed things up today, I started thinking about the phrase "getting back to normal". I remember how different everything was after I was diagnosed with cancer. Instead of helping my kids with homework, or enjoying my job, my days were filled with doctor visits, and treatments. Everything familiar was set aside. It seemed to go on and on - I thought I would never feel better and do familiar things again. But then, after (quite) awhile, I started feeling better, my hair grew back, my surgeries were over, and I slowly started to put away the unfamiliar things that cluttered my days, and pull out those wonderful things I love so much - spending time with my children, cooking a good dinner, a clean house, sitting and reading a favorite novel.

Take a few minutes in your cancer journal and talk about "getting back to normal". And if you are still in the middle of your journey, think about what you want to do to get back to your familiar life. What will that entail?

I realized something as I was writing this post - I'm grateful for the unfamiliar - those things that "clutter" my life at times. Because when those things cease, and I am again surrounded by the familiar things I love, I appreciate them even more.

“The touch of an infinite mystery passes over the trivial and the familiar, making it break out into ineffable music... The trees, the stars, and the blue hills ache with a meaning which can never be uttered in words.” --Rabindranath Tagore

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Friendship on the road...

We had such a great time last Thursday night with all you wonderful survivors. I've been thinking since then about friendship, and what it means to have friends that have walked the exact road you have. It's one of the most important things I've found - that having someone to talk to and to help you, someone who knows exactly what you needs, is such an important part of the cancer journey.

"For a shield from the storm, for a friend, for a love to keep me safe and warm...I turn to you. For the strength to be strong, for the will to carry on...for everything you do, for everything thats true, I turn to you."
-Christina Aguilera

"You were the one who made things different, you were the one who took me in. You were the one thing I could count on, above all, you were my friend."
- Tom Petty

"Once there was a darkness, a deep and endless night, you gave me everything you had and oh, you gave me light"
-Sarah Mclaughlan

What do you think about friendship? Is it important? Why? Grab your cancer journal and write a few words.

Have a great day!

-Kara

MONDAY MEMOIRS - The Christmas Season...

I was going through chemo during the Christmas season of 2008. In fact, it worked out that I had 2 chemo treatments that December. I'm normally a "Christmas" person - I decorate a ton, love to shop, and generally get very into the holiday spirit. I love to attend things like Festival of Trees, and love to drive around looking at Christmas lights. I remember that year - I just didn't have the strength to do any decorating, or attend anything. My sister came and decorated for me, and I had help taking things down after the holidays. I didn't do any baking that year, and I really just had to rely on others to help make the holidays special for my family. My parents took me out shopping, and even did some of the shopping for me.

A few things that helped - I did most of my shopping online. It was better for me, because I didn't want to go out around crowds. I accepted help from others, and learned about that wonderful thing called charity. Everyone understood that I couldn't do things I normally did.

As I run around this year, trying to get ready for Christmas, my thoughts go back to 2008. It was a hard time for me. This weekend, as I tried to decorate my 12 foot Christmas tree by myself, I remembered that I couldn't even put this tree up in 2008. I just didn't have the strength. I still didn't have the strength to do it last year. This year, my kids helped me, and there it is - my beautiful tree! I still need help to keep up with everything, but I'm slowly and surely getting back to my old "Christmas" self.

Today, take a minute to sit down and write in your cancer journal...

How did you get through the holidays when you were sick? What kinds of things help to make that time easier? Who helped? What did you miss being able to do?

And finally...

Count all of your blessings - being alive to enjoy the Christmas season is one of my biggest blessings!

Merry Christmas!

-Kara

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Cold & Flu Season

I've had two severe colds in the last month, and winter just started. Each cold I get seems to last forever, and is worse than the previous one. I think one of the problems is that my immune system is not as strong as it used to be. It's been a year and a half since my last chemo treatment, and I kind of expected to not have these problems still. But, as I've talked to other cancer survivors, I've learned that it can take 2-5 years to get back to your "normal" pre-cancer self. The fact that I can get back to my old self is good - but I wish it didn't take so much time. It seems that with each new cold, I get weaker and weaker. I guess this would be a good time to make sure I've got a flu shot, that I'm eating fruits and vegetables, and that I get lots of rest.

Today, open your journal and talk about getting better. As you think about this, try to recognize the things you are doing that help you feel better. Is there something you are trying that helps? Maybe you take a nap each day, and that helps boost your energy - or maybe you are careful to stay away from others who are sick.

My advice: Be careful of crowds. If you feel a cold coming on, get plenty of rest and Vitamin C. Take care of yourself!

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Gratitude vs. Fear and Anger...

I was thinking about Gratitude, since that is the subject of our next support meeting. I was reading through a blog from a lady I know, and came across this gem...

"One of the incredible truths about gratitude is that it is impossible to feel both the positive emotion of thankfulness and a negative emotion such as anger or fear at the same time. Gratitude births only positive feelings — love, compassion, joy, and hope. As we focus on what we are thankful for, fear, anger, and bitterness simply melt away, seemingly without effort. Gratitude is not just the key. It's a magic key — all you need to do is use it, and the world is suddenly transformed into a beautiful wonderland, in which you are invited to play. That's because, like most of the great spiritual truths, gratitude is stunningly simple."

Get out your cancer journal, and write about this quote. Do you think that if you truly focus on feeling thankful for the good things (and even the trials) in your life, it's impossible to feel anger and fear? I'm interested to hear what you think.

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Fellow Survivors - Sisters...

This last week - on Thursday - Sister Survivors had their Kick Off. It was such a pleasant night. I met many new breast cancer "sisters". I wish I would have had more time to talk to them. Today, I thought it would be good to write about the other breast cancer survivors we've met throughout our cancer journeys.

For me, meeting other women who have gone through this has been an important step in my healing.

First, there were the women in my family and my friends - they helped me see that there is hope - that I can do what it takes to fight breast cancer.

Then there were the women I saw at the hospital/medical centers... those having chemo, or tests. I learned to recognize them by their bald heads, and beautiful countenances. These were my fellow survivors - and they helped me realize that I wasn't the only one fighting breast cancer.

Finally, there are those women I've met through Sister Survivors. These women have a passion similar to mine. We all want to make sure something good comes from our cancer battle - and helping other women with the fight is an important part of that.

Open your cancer journal today, and write about some of the women you've met who have helped you make sense of your cancer journey. Gratitude is the key here - keep your gratitude in mind while thinking of who to write about.