THURSDAY THOUGHTS - White Space...Needed Tranquility

Oops! I completely forgot about this blog this week! What in the WORLD?

Guest Post: One of the most valuable tips I have learned through many years of living is to "value and protect my white space". I know that may sound a little strange, so let me explain myself.

Many of us keep our calendars over loaded, then pat ourselves on the back for all the good things we accomplish, while ignoring the knots in our stomachs, which are trying to warn us of physical and emotional overload. I was a prime example of this in my younger years. To put it mildly, I was a mess. I have found that many, if not most of life's treasured memories occur during the "white space" on our calendars; the times when we slow down enough to spiritually feel what is going on around us.

Our family meets each week for Sunday dinner. This is sacred time and nothing interferes with it unless we are out of town, and we don't travel that often. One Sunday evening after dinner was cleaned up, Allie, my granddaughter, and I were snuggled up on the porch swing. Ron and the guys were somewhere else, so it was just the two of us. We snuggled there for quite a while without saying a word to each other. Finally after about 20 or 30 minutes she looked at me and said, "Grandma, you know what?" I could tell that she wanted to tell me something that was very important to her, so I encouraged her to continue. "Well," she hesitated a bit and then told me, "When my mom and dad got divorced... I cried." It was as if she had to build up the courage to tell me a huge secret. "Of course you did," I told her, "That was a most difficult time for you." Then we snuggled some more. I couldn't help thinking to myself how many precious moments like this we miss because we are in such a rush.

While I was engaged in this train of thought, my mind traveled back some 28 or 29 years to the awful day that I nearly backed over my youngest son, Nick, with the car. I don't think there was ANY white space on my calendar back then. This accident happened because I was over committed and over extended, which caused me to be in too big of a hurry. Thankfully, his wounds, although gruesome to look at, were all of a surface nature and our doctor told us that in time, he would be good as new. To this day, whenever I hear one of those awful news stories about some parent accidentally running over a child, I stop and offer yet another prayer of gratitude that my sons' life was spared.

I am happy to report that this experience changed my life for the better. I am no longer a "human doing" and I have worked hard to schedule plenty of white space in my calendar... time to "just be". Being diagnosed with cancer was yet another wake up call in my life. I realized that my remaining years would be much healthier and more rewarding if I guarded and valued the white space on my calendar. I try to listen more carefully when my body signals that I need a break. Frazzled brains, knots in stomachs, aching feet, tired backs, and tension headaches are all trying to say, "Slow down a little... take time to 'just be' and listen to what I am trying to tell you."

Richard Carlson, the best selling author and one of my favorites, speaks to this topic: "Creating blocks of time in your calendar where absolutely nothing is planned contributes to the feeling of peace, the feeling that you have enough time... this white space time has become one of the most important schedules on my calendar and is something I have learned to protect and value... it creates a needed degree of balance that nurtures my soul. Without it, life seems too hectic and overwhelming."

This practice has added a lot of peace and a measure of needed tranquility in my life. I still work at it but it is worth the effort and assures, to a greater level, that I will be there and ready to listen the next time my grandchildren, husband... or anyone for that matter... has an important confidence to share with me.

-Kathy Christensen
Survivor
Member, Lifting Hearts

MONDAY MENTIONABLES - A Restorative Retreat

Why is it important to talk with other breast cancer survivors? Well, I've learned over the past year that there are times when I just simply need to talk things over with women who have been through what I've been through. And I've had that opportunity several times.

The most recent opportunity I had happened this past weekend. I was invited to go on a breast cancer retreat, put on by a wonderful non-profit group here is Utah, called Image Reborn. (Even though it is head-quartered here in Utah, I believe their retreats are open to anyone - check out the information on their website: imagerebornfoundation.org)

This particular retreat was for young survivors - those 45 years of age and younger. I just barely slipped in there at age 45 (and counting). I'm glad I was able to attend and talk to younger women - I can relate a little bit more with the issues in this age group.

Let me tell you how we were pampered this weekend...

The setting was lovely - a beautiful home in the mountains near Park City. The weather was perfect - warm and sunny during the day, with those cool Utah nights. Each morning, we woke to see hot air balloons in the sky.

We watched with fascination the family of deer in the back yard the first night. The home with just incredible.


The food was good - it was nice to not have to worry about cooking meals for 3 days! There was fruit, yogurt, and sweet breads for breakfast. Lunch in the restaurant at the clubhouse - we ate next to the beautiful pool!

Dinners included different veggie pizzas, and Chicken Tetrazzini (with green chili peppers - YUM!). We got super good deserts, and I had dark chocolate stashed in my room for late night cravings, of course. ;-)

The activities included 3 things I've never experienced before...

1. Facials. Yes, you read that right. I've never had a facial before. Now I'm completely hooked.

Having a facial is what I call being pampered. The feel, the smell, the relaxation! Oh my!

2. Art Journaling. I've always wanted to try this. I know the importance of journaling, especially through your cancer journey, and this is just an unusual (but fun) way of doing that.

I worked on just one page in my art journal. I focused on what I was thinking about at the time - that even though cancer changed me a lot, I'm still me. It was fun to decorate the page, using quotes, and images. I made a list of things I've lost and gain. This is what it said:
Kara... minus boobs, hair, nails, veins, lashes, brows, and stomach. Plus implants, rest, wrinkles, scars, and love. Eguals - ME. A few of the quotes I used:

To thine own self be true - Shakespeare
Dare to be remarkable - Jane Gentry
For a long time, she flew only when she thought no one else was watching - Brian Andreas
I am just too much - Bette Davis


3. Restorative Yoga. This is something I've always thought I should try, but I've been too scared to take a class. And I have no idea what I'm doing, so I didn't think I could do it at home. I'm so glad I learned this wonderful exercise.

It brought my body in tune with my spirit - it was just incredible. We learned how to breath deeply and slowly, how to focus on each part of our bodies. Some things were hard for me, but it was mostly just wonderful, and just what our teacher claimed it would be - restorative.

Those three things will change my life, I think. I'm glad I got to experience them.

The company was made up of survivors - there were six of us. I got to meet the most fabulous ladies.

Beth, Jeni, B-Jo, Tonya, and Marci. This is the main reason I think I went to the retreat. I wanted to meet other survivors, and just take time to talk about issues we all face. I learned so many things, and hopefully helped someone as well. It was good to network.


When I got home, there were some neighbors visiting my family. As I told them about the retreat, I tried to explain WHY I felt like I needed to attend. It's hard to pinpoint the exact reason. All I know is that I feel better physically, and emotionally. It was a good thing for me. Survivors are the most amazing people - I'm so glad I was able to meet these ladies. They helped me so much.

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Sit Still...

Because I am by nature a high strung person, I have found it helpful to try to slow down my pace a bit. It seems that I can get just as much done yet have a more peaceful outlook on life. One of my favoite authors, Richard Carlson, gives the following advice about "sitting still:"

"Sitting still gives you an opportunity to clear your mind and reflect, a chance for inspiration to arise....What sitting still does for us is give us a chance to break any negative momentum that has built up during the day, an opportunity to regroup and start over. As you sit still and your mind quiets down, it's often the case that an answer to a problem will pop up in your head, as though it came out of the blue. For some reason, the act of sitting still and quieting down has a calming effect on the nervous system that tends to bring forth wisdom and insight."

It seems that most of us progress through life at a frantic pace. When I was younger I used to think that the more I got done, the better person I was...no matter what the emotional cost was to me. Thinking back on this now, I realize how silly it was. I am much kinder to myself now. When I am tired, I rest; I don't schedule my activities so tightly together; There are times when I allow myself to "Just Be" for a while. I can honestly tell you that life is much sweeter. I am learning to take life in stride and "go with the flow."

So go ahead....give yourself a break....a little time to sit still, to think, to "Just Be".... take a breath and decompress a bit. I am sure that you, like me, will find this practice worth the effort and your family will notice a difference as well. It is a win-win proposition for everyone involved.

Kathy Christensen
Guest Blogger

MONDAY MEMOIRS - Night Reflections...

I was thinking recently about the few days following my doctor's announcement that I had breast cancer. One thing that sticks out in my mind about that time, is that I couldn't sleep. I would lie awake, staring at the ceiling, and finally get up and wander around the house. I would visit my kids' rooms, and watch them sleep. I would sit in my living room and watch the lights from outside make unusual patterns on the walls and ceiling. And I would think about those words... "you've got breast cancer". During the day I could handle that fact, but during the night, I couldn't calm my mind. It was a time of fighting fears, a time of quiet reflection, a time a pleading with God, and a time of facing my own mortality. As I'm describing this, are any of you right there with me?

Take a minute in your cancer journal to write about the nights during your cancer journey. What were they to you?