MONDAY MEMOIRS - Recurrence - Fighting The Monster Again

So many cancer survivors worry about a recurrence of their cancer. It seems that every little ache, pain, twitch, bruise, etc. just has to be the monster rearing it's ugly again.

Because of some weird symptoms that have been bothering me for the last 3 months, I've been thinking about recurrence a lot lately. And it's making me miserable. I realized today, that I've been practically holding my breath for days now. The thought of dealing with cancer again is making me physically ill. In fact, I've almost convinced myself that I have cancer again.

One thing this has shown me is that my mind is not quite as stable as I thought! The thought of going through surgeries and chemo again has me shaking in my shoes. It's been a very unpleasant few days.

I can't wait to hear the words, "Everything is fine" from my oncologist this Friday. And if it's not fine - if I do have to fight the monster again, then I'll do it. What other choice would I have? I'm strong enough to take this on!

What about you? Does the thought of recurrence bother you? If not, what do you do to have a positive outlook? Take a few minutes to record in your journal some thoughts about recurrence.

(Sorry about the downer post - I can't think of anything happy to write about right now. I promise things will be better next week.)