THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Comfort Is Not Necessary For Survival

Guest Post:

Several years ago when I was in the throws of a second marriage that was going down, I told my best friend, "I am just NOT COMFORTABLE with this situation. It is simply gut-wrenching. There is no way to win because if there was, I could find it." My friend listened intently on the other end of the phone and then said some most wise words that I will never forget. "Kathy," she said, "I learned a long time ago that COMFORT IS NOT NECESSARY FOR SURVIVAL." As I pondered those words I told myself they must be true because otherwise the stress level I was experiencing would have killed me. With seven children between us (six of them teenagers) and completely opposite parenting styles we were steadily spiraling downward, and I could see no way out.

While reading this week, I found some wonderful thoughts on comfort that I want to share. They were included in the book "Kitchen Table Wisdom" by one of my favorite authors Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen:

"Those who don't love themselves as they are rarely love life either. Most people have come to prefer certain of life's experiences and deny and reject others, unaware of the value of the hidden things that may come wrapped in plain or even ugly paper. In avoiding all pain and seeking comfort at all cost, we may be left without intimacy or compassion; in rejecting change and risk we often cheat ourselves of the quest; in denying our suffering we may never know our strength or our greatness. Or even that the love we have been given may be trusted. It is natural, even instinctive to prefer comfort to pain, the familiar to the unknown. But sometimes our instincts are not wise. Life ususally offers far more than our biases and preferences will allow us to have. Beyond comfort lie grace, mystery and adventure."

While my second marriage ended in divorce, it paved the way for me to meet and marry my third husband. We hit our fourteen year mark on November 1st and our journey together has been peaceful, fulfilling and remarkably doable. Our families have blended beautifully and although we have experienced difficulties such as Cancer, unemployment and challenges with our children, we have worked together to become stronger as a couple. Many have said to me, "Isn't it a shame that you didn't marry Ron first??" My answer to them is an emphatic, "NO! If I had married Ron first, I would not have appreciated the way he treats me nor the wisdom he shares with me on a daily basis. I would not know the magic that happens when you put two 'givers' together. And I would not be able to relate as I do now to those who struggle in their marriages or to offer genuine empathy to those who need support.

The same is true of the members of "Lifting Hearts." If they had not experienced Cancer and its many faces themselves, they would not be able to lend comfort and genuine empathy to those who have the disease now. By experiencing the discomfort and pain of the disease they are able to dig down deep to help and encourage those of us who have very little idea of how to proceed once it rears its ugly head in our lives. They have shown us that although comfort and ease are enjoyable (and we need those too) they do not serve to teach us as much as becoming the victor over discomfort and uncertainty.

Kathy Christensen
Survivor
Member of Lifting Hearts