Last week a young mother came to see me at the bank for some financial advice. We have been acquainted for many years. As we caught up on what had happened since we last saw each other, she showed me pictures of her two small children and her eyes filled with tears as she explained that her life was presently in a rough spot. “We have talked before, Kathy,” she said softly, “and I knew I could talk to you.” Although she didn’t share details with me, it was quite evident that it was her marriage that was the source of her stress. I ached in side for her and remembered some 36 years ago when I was facing the same situation.
My mind drifted to the chorus of a song I recently heard on a CD by Alan Jackson. It went like this:
Time takes you places
You never knew you’d be goin’
It softens the edges
Of memories you’re towin”
The second stanza of this chorus resonated with me quite strongly. When I was in the situation of this young woman many years ago, it was most difficult and painful. Now, however, it seems like a different lifetime and I can see it more clearly. Although I remember the pain, it is not as pronounced because time has helped to “soften the edges” just like the song says it would. As I thought more about this, it occurred to me that some memories we cherish because they give us comfort. Take for instance, wedding days, graduations, birth of children and some family vacations. Others, however, we tow along with us until the edges soften enough for us to learn the wisdom of the lessons they are trying to teach us, and sometimes this process takes many years. Among these are death, divorce, depression, Cancer, financial stress or losing a job, just to name a few. Time has a way of healing us and thankfully most of us mellow somewhat as we age and we tend to see our difficulties through more mature eyes. And if we learn as we go, these rough edges DO soften and we gain more wisdom which enables us to comfort others. Cancer survivors (at least those that I know) are examples of people who have emerged victoriously through the discomfort of surgeries, Chemo and radiation treatments, and body reconstruction. They have softened the edges of this unpleasant life changing experience enough to share their wisdom with those who are just beginning their Cancer journey
After we talked for a while, I looked this beautiful young woman straight in the eye and told her, “You WILL get though this time and you will be stronger for it no matter how it plays out.” I gave her a big hug for encouragement and sent her on her way. As she left, I could almost picture her several years down the road encouraging yet another young mother, once these painful memories soften enough for her to make sense of them. After all, that is the way life works for most of us.
-Kathy Christensen
Survivor
Member, Lifting Hearts
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