THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Pain Is Inevitable, Misery Is Optional

Guest Post: (sorry that this is a day late.)

Few talks or their messages have stayed with me as much as one that I heard well over 20 years ago in an LDS Sacrament Meeting. The speaker was a young man with a brilliant mind and a very challenged body. He was a Cerebral Palsy victim and speaking did not come easily to him. Despite his difficulty in speaking, I remembered a quote he used, for it was the first time I had heard it. He told us, “Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional.” I immediately sat up in my chair as I watched him. How brave and sincere he was! I can’t remember his name, but I will never forget how I felt as he spoke to us those many years ago.

I am fascinated by people who use bitter experiences to make themselves better people. It all boils down to how we deal with pain as it arises in our lives. And one thing is sure…there is enough pain to go around for everyone.

I just finished reading a marvelous book for the second time entitled “Letters to Sam.” It is written by Daniel Gottlieb, who has been paralyzed from the neck down since a nearly fatal automobile accident crippled him over 25 years ago. Not allowing this unfortunate experience to beat him, he has worked all of this time as a successful therapist. He wrote this book to his grandson, Sam, who was diagnosed with a severe form of autism at 14 months of age. In his book he states: “Inevitably all pain is about longing for yesterday, whatever we had before, whatever used to be. But when pain doesn’t go away fast enough, we criticize ourselves for not getting over it; for not being strong enough; or for being vulnerable in the first place. Sam, that is not how wounds heal. They don’t obey our wishes. Healing takes place in its own way and in its own time.” He writes further,” You want compassion, understanding and nurturing in order to heal, but most of all you need time. As time passes, you will long less for what you had yesterday and experience more of what you have today… After all, pain is an emotion and no emotion can last forever.”

I think Gottlieb’s words relate to those of us who have (or have had) Cancer. We perhaps long for the days when we didn’t have it; we want to be over it now…for all of our wounds to heal. We may criticize ourselves for not being stronger or for getting the disease in the first place. But, given time we will long less for yesterday and learn to live with what we have today. We will be among those who use bitter experiences to make themselves better people…because pain IS inevitable and misery IS optional. The choice is ours.

Kathy Christensen, survivor