MONDAY MEMOIRS - Your Previous Self...

I'm not sure about you, but my recovery from cancer hasn't been going well. Admittedly, before I was diagnosed with cancer, I wasn't super healthy. I was overweight, and rarely found time to do much exercise. I did try to walk, but that's about it. I just simply wasn't taking care of myself like I should have. So, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I thought "Jeez - this is just GREAT! I'm already not healthy - what is this going to do to me??!!"

Unlike some of you, I didn't try to exercise during my treatments. I was just too tired and sick. When I found out about chemo, I thought "Well, at least I'll lose a bunch of weight - there's one good thing that will come from chemo". That didn't happen. Of course, I did lose TONS of muscle (since chemo loves to destroy your muscle), but my weight didn't go down at all. In fact, it stayed pretty much exactly the same! The first week after a chemo treatment, I'd lose about 12-15 pounds - I just couldn't eat. But, for the next two weeks, the weight would slowly come back. By the time I had my next chemo treatment, I'd be back at my "normal" weight. I didn't really understand why this was happening, until right before my last treatment, when I found out that one of the medicines I was taking each time was a steroid. Yep, it was the steroid that put the weight back on. I was mad. In fact, the last time I was supposed to take it - during my final chemo treatment - I just didn't. Looking back, that probably wasn't the best decision I ever made. The steroid was helping with the side affects that came from chemo. I'm not sure if NOT taking the steroid that last time cause the 2 months of nose bleeds I had, or caused my nails to finally fall off. But, it probably would have helped if I would have followed my doctor's orders, and taken it.

It's been two year since my chemo treatments - in fact, on February 11th, it will be my 2 year anniversary of my LAST chemo treatment. For some reason, I thought I'd feel better after two years. I don't feel much better at all. I guess it makes sense that my muscles and joints would be sore, since chemo wasn't too nice to them. And it makes sense that I would have a hard time losing the fat I gained during chemo. But, I'm really frustrated that I'm still feeling so sore that it's hard to even walk (a recent surgery to remove heel spurs didn't help - just made walking more painful). And there's not much incentive to exercise when it will just make me even more miserable. *sigh*

There are a few things I've been doing to really help myself, though. I've been trying to drink a protein shake every day, to help with hair regrowth. I've been taking vitamins every day as well - which I think is helping my nails become stronger, and hopefully giving me a little bit of energy. I've also been losing weight - slowly but surely. I've lost 18 pounds. Not too bad, right?

Earlier this week, I was talking to my husband, and told him that I'm tired of feeling crappy all the time. Why is my body feeling this way?! It wasn't like this before cancer. I seriously feel like I'm 20 years older than I really am. I don't like the idea that I'll be like this forever. So, I've decided that this is MY YEAR! I'm going to get feeling better - I will get back to my "normal" self! I'm going to start exercising, even if it gets worse before it gets better. Hopefully, with exercise, my muscles and joints won't be so bad. (And maybe the exercises will help with the Lymphodema I've got). I've got an exercise video called Second Chance: Fitness after Breast Cancer, by Dorelle Laffal (a 3 time breast cancer survivor, and a world class weight lifter). I watched it this morning, and the exercises aren't too strenuous - they are just perfect for getting my body feeling better. I'll continue to watch what I eat - trying to eat more veggies and fruits. I'll continue to lose weight - a little bit at a time. And I'm going to try to make each day better than the one before. This is my year to return to the previous Kara - but, even better. I'm turning 45 this year - I should feel like I'm in the prime of my life! Hopefully, by the end of 2011, I will. :-)

How about you? What changes have you seen in your body, and the way you feel, since being diagnosed with cancer? What things have you done to stay healthy, or get back to your previous self? Take out your cancer journal and record some thoughts. Make a few goals that will help you improve your health, and the way you feel.

-Kara